Production: & & SUPER IRREGULAR
Audition: & Open Call
Description: & ME , super cool guy or girl voter, (22-40)
PATRICIA FABIAN , super nice precinct inspector (40-50)
Middle Aged Guy Poll Worker ( 45-50)
Cheery Young Woman Poll Worker (20s-30s)
Bored Teen Boy Poll Worker (18-20)
& & & & Cosmic Cell Phone Voice of Michael Vu, Assistant Registrar of Voters for San Diego County
&
Please come with the following scene memorized:
Me rolls out of a plumbing truck in a quiet, Birdrock neighborhood and into a driveway/garage polling place. Me swaggers up to the poll workers' table ready to do that thing for Obama.
Middle Aged Guy: Name?
Me: Chris McConnell, 555-555 Neptune Avenue.
Sitting next to Middle Aged Guy, Bright Young Woman leans over, confirms Me's name, then riffles through a stack of ballots. Bright Young Woman and Me flash glances, it probably means nothing, she hands Me the ballot.
Me gathers thoughts in the polling booth and uses a pencil to mark proposition votes. Me flips the ballot and confusion swirls.
Me: What!? Hillary and Barack are not on the ballot! Who is Jesse Johnson? What is Ralph Nader doing here?
Poll workers look up as they hear a crisp and fleshy smack of hand to forehead & ndash; but can't see into the booth.
Key Light on ME stepping center stage, anguished.
Me: What have I done?! Did I re-register as a Green Party member in some kind of earth loving fit at the DMV? I've threatened it before, but when did this happen, how can I not remember? Why!? Why!?
Me slumps in defeat, then gets it together with a steely look and a fake yoga exhale.
Me: There must be some mistake! I will right things! But, I will not leave the sanctuary of my booth until I do at least what I came here for!
With a Founding Father's flourish Me marks BARACK OBAMA on the write candidacy line.
Me emerges from the booth.
Me: Excuse me. I think my ballot is wrong. Maybe I did, but I don't remember ever re-registering outside the Democratic Party?
Middle Aged Guy: Your name again.
Me: Chris McConnell 555-555 Neptune.
Bright Young Woman takes Me's ballot and places it aside.
Middle Aged Guy: No & ndash; you're still a registered Democrat.
Cheery Young Woman: O! It's my fault. I gave you a Green Ballot.
Me: Oh.
Precinct Inspector PATRICIA sweeps over.
Patricia: Where's the ballot?
Cheery Young Woman: Right h---?
Teen Boy Poll Worker: I put it in the box.
Shock and dismay on all faces except that of Teen Boy Poll worker. Silence.
Patricia: We can't break the seal. All I can do is call the voting hotline. I'm really sorry.
Lights DIM & hellip;Dim...dim & hellip;to BLACK
A VOICE SOUNDS AS IF ON THE OTHER END OF A COSMIC CELL PHONE.
Voice: Hello Chris?
Me: Yes.
Voice: This is Michael Vu, Assistant Registrar of Voters for San Diego County.
Me: Hi.
Voice: I understand some things went wrong and we're really sorry. Unfortunately there's nothing we can do at this point.
Me: Isn't my vote in the Green Party illegitimate, what's going to happen to that vote?
Voice: Hmmm. It's irregular and I'm going to look into things for you, can I have your phone number?
Me: 555-555-5555
Voice: I don't want to bother you at work.
Me: It's my cell, you can call me anytime. &
END OF SCENE
Will Michael Vu ever call Me back? Has he escaped his sordid Ohio past ? And what about his controversial boss and former Diebold voting machine sales rep, Registrar of Voters Deborah Sieler ? What is she doing about the recently stolen/missing voting machine microchips that threaten the integrity of San Diego elections? Obviously there is serious sequel potential and so all auditioning actors should be ready to sign on for the long haul. (Poll workers Trina and Alma & ndash; you are encouraged to audition. Chuck you're too young to be Middle Aged Guy, but I could use a technical advisor.)
My voting experience was an accidental farce, no conspiracy or but keeping a hawk's eye on the details of the voting process throughout this 2008 election cycle is a crucial and messy reality. But like sending a camera snake down a sewer line, it has to be done.
- Chris McConnell is a bookseller, freelance writer, & former & high school & English teacher & and odd jobber who lives in La Jolla.
