&
Almost 20 years later, half the couples attending my wedding to Chris Sove were same-sex orientation, as were several of the guests attending as singles. Some of the couples had been together for over 20 years themselves, including our officiant and his partner. One couple still had not revealed their deep love for the other with one person's family, fearing the backlash of hurtful retaliation for breaking cultural taboos. Another couple was moving to Canada because U.S. immigration laws do not recognize their union as valid and they intend to stay together, no matter what.
Despite the irony of celebrating my marriage while many stood at the periphery of the rights, privileges and joys of declaring their commitment and loyalty to each other, these friends made my husband and I both feel special and loved.
Being open-minded isn't what changed my perspective from growing up to adulthood. No, in fact in high school I once got into a fight with someone about whether Jesus denounced homosexuality (I lost that fight because nowhere in the Bible does Jesus himself, the founder of Christianity, condemn being gay. Then, like now, many of his followers do.)
No, what changed my perspective was listening to people's stories about how being a gay person frequently means experiencing psychological abuses from rejecting families and places of worship and physical abuse from homophobic and violent aggressors. &
Even more, people's stories included the indignities of being treated as the source of others' discrimination. Our nation's history is riddled with these stories: from the government's reaction (or lack thereof) to HIV-AIDS in the 1980's, to verbal and physical "gay bashing," to the startling frequency of suicide in gay youths, to being asked to swap equality for something less. &
If marriage is sacred, which mine is to me, it's because the vows spoken aloud become actions everyday and not because the people in it are heterosexual.
I can't wait to celebrate the weddings of friends getting married, including the union of my one-time officiant and his partner later this month. Still, the loss of dignity over many decades won't easily be undone. There will be other hurdles, like one facing voters in November. &
For now, congratulations to the newlyweds!
"Go now to enter into the time of your togetherness,
And may your days be good and long upon the earth."
-Apache Wedding Prayer
- Citizen Voices blogger Alma Sove has spent most of her life in San Diego and is currently attending law school.
