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Impending Doom! The End Of The World, Across The World

Above: Credit: mybulldog, via flickr.

Tomorrow is the end of times. In case you’ve been (hiding or living) under a rock for the past decade, here’s a quick preview of what to expect tomorrow.

I will be stalking John Cusack, shadowing his every move. I have a hunch he’s going to make it out alive. But, everyone else is in a lot of trouble.

Never mind what actual Mayan Priests say. Or NASA. Or my colleague Al Macias, who pointed out that Australia is still here. We’re screwed. Well, you guys are screwed. Me and Cusack should be fine.

People all around the world have taken this time to unite, in mass hysteria. Here’s how the world is coping on the eve of its demise.

In Novokuznetsk, Russia, citizens are preparing for the end with salt rocks.

In the coalmining town of Novokuznetsk, shelves nearly emptied of salt stocks last month as the city's residents prepared to ride through the end of the world. "60 tonnes were bought in one week," Yelena Zuyeva, a city official, said last week in comments carried on the local administration's website. "Today all trade companies are working and are ready for any level for consumer activity."

In a moment of coincidence or fate, it looks like Germany has officially kickstarted the apocalypse.

If the world ends on December 21, blame a German butterfingers who dropped a volcanic rock skull once owned by SS overlord Heinrich Himmler in his laboratory this week.

According to legend, the Mayan skull, which was stolen from Tibet by the Nazis and imbued for believers with magical powers to enable mankind to survive an apocalypse, fell and chipped during a photo shoot.

The brave prime minster of Australia finds a light of hope during a time of Darkness.

“Dear remaining fellow Australians. The end of the world is coming. “

“Whether the final blow comes from flesh eating zombies, demonic hell beasts or from the total triumph of K-Pop. If you know one thing about me, it is this: I will always fight for you to the very end.”

In Mérida, Mexico, a new ager likely burned his hand. Could mean something, right?

Gabriel Lemus, the white-haired guardian of the flame, burned his finger on the kindling and later somebody knocked a burning log out of the ceremonial brazier onto the wooden stage, before he quickly scooped it up.

The white-clad Lemus, like about 1,000 other shamans, seers, stargazers, crystal enthusiasts, yogis, sufis and swamis in a Merida convention center about an hour and a half from the Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza, was convinced that it was a good start to the coming “New Era” supposed to begin around 5:00 a.m. on Friday.

Qinghai province, China:

Chinese authorities have detained 500 people belonging to a quasi-Christian religious group called the Church of the Almighty God for spreading rumours that the world will end on Friday, according to the country's official news agency, Xinhua.

"The Qinghai police bureau stated that the police had stormed numerous centres belonging to the Almighty God cult, arresting more than 400 members and confiscating over 5,000 items including banners, DVDs, slogans, books, computers, speakers, and cell phones," Xinhua reported, adding that the group had "advanced anti-detection capabilities".

And our brothers to the north, Canada offer a friendly economic plan for the apocalypse.

“If doomsday really does arrive on Friday then there's little time to get your finances in order…So how do you budget for doomsday? Like the ultimate natural disaster, financial planners say.”

Keep your credit cards.

In the event of major power outages, credit cards would be rendered useless. But they could prove to be an invaluable survival tool as the world unravels and catastrophe reigns, said Kendra Hudson, a financial planner with Woodward Financial Advisors, in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

Comments

Avatar for user 'MartinSmith12312'

MartinSmith12312 | December 21, 2012 at 6:01 a.m. ― 1 year, 10 months ago

there are some really hilariously funny things about this maya apocalypse. This site:

www.2012-is-over.com

sells "Survivor" T-Shirts for all Doomsday survivors :-)

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