Things are getting ugly for the McCain campaign, and the mud slinging is gearing up earlier than the McCain folks would have liked. But mud is not the only thing the McCain campaign is launching through the air; prayers of desperation are coming fast and furious. Here are McCain's top ten Hail Mary's.
10) DNA evidence surfaces that proves Osama Bin Laden and Barack Obama are 14 th cousins twice removed.
9) DNA evidence surfaces linking John McCain as a descendent of Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings - McCain initiates media assault accusing Obama of playing the race card against McCain and his 1/2064 African American ancestry.
8) The Flux capacitor is finally discovered - economic and energy woes evaporate - McCain is able return to his strong on war drumbeat.
7) Obama steps out of the Presidential race, revealing that he is in fact the Messiah and that he has decided to honor the establishment clause of the First Amendment.
6) Sarah Palin steps down as VP and is replaced by Dick Cheney's gay daughter. Overnight, radically new coalitions are formed at a head spinning rate, the American Idol crowd loves it and McCain wins in a squeaker.
5) Sarah Palin steps down and John McCain names Chris Angel as his new running mate. Days before the election John McCain appears at the Bellagio in Vegas walking on water.
4) John McCain promises that if elected, he will immediately step down and make Sarah Palin president.
Just enough of the Hillary scorned are wooed by the crafty old Maverick.
3) John McCain breathes an actual fireball during the Tuesday night Presidential debate. Obama is forced to concede that McCain would make an "awesome" Commander in Chief.
2) Acting on a tip from John McCain, George Bush pulls Osama Bin Ladin out of a Pakistani cave - Fox News is there.
1) John McCain accepts defeat in the race for the US Presidency, but makes a heroic comeback as the President of Pakistan. He still has nukes, he still gets to fight terrorism and he gets to wear a uniform again.
