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Halloween Double Dare Radio Dramas

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This episode of Cinema Junkie serves up a Halloween Double Dare, playwright Michael Mizerany and I dare you to listen to a pair of his one-act horror plays. So turn out the lights, put on some headphones and enjoy an audio treat while sheltering at home this Halloween.

Please note the plays contain explicit language and mature content.

"Johnny and Babs Versus the Apocalypse" by Michael Mizerany
Babs: Sydney Joyner
Johnny: Marc Caro
Stage Directions: David Janisch

Inspired by the film "Night Of The Living Dead," "Johnny and Babs Versus the Apocalypse" chronicles a terror-filled evening replete with COVID chaos, civil unrest, flesh eating zombies. and sibling bickering.

"Die Already!" by Michael Mizerany
Branigan: Tyler Lloyd
Chase: Quincy Bazen
Jordan: Kevin Phan
Gary: SeeJay Lewis
Stage Directions: David Janisch

A spoof of every horror film ever made where the killer just won’t stay dead, "Die Already!" tells the bloody tale of a one-night stand gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Music for both plays was composed by Phil Nenna, who also created the Cinema Junkie theme music.

Speaker 1: 00:05 Why won't you die? All right, I'm going to kill you. Not before I kill you. Welcome back to another episode of listener supported KPBS cinema junkie podcast. I'm Beth ACA Mondo. And for Halloween, I wanted to give you a special treat and we are presenting a Halloween double dare. And I have Michael misery rainy here who has written two short horror plays that we are going to have performed for cinema junkie podcast. This is a really fun, unique opportunity. And Michael, I want to ask you about writing horror, because one of the things I love about you is the fact that you are one of those people in an audience for a horror movie who screams and jumps and covers their eyes. And it is so much fun to sit next to you watching a film. So, Michael, how did you first get interested in horror?

Speaker 2: 01:03 I think the first horror film I remember seeing was Frankenstein and then Dracula and the it's, the old ones. It's the thirties and forties. My first horror movie I saw in a theater was Halloween and that scared the bejesus out of me. I must've jumped a mile every time the shape came on the screen. And then from there I just got more involved and more involved and more bumps. And it became is jumping and being scared, but in the safety of a theater, so it's like you jump and then you laugh and you jump and your laugh. And that just became a way to go and release tension, especially being a gay teen. You just go and watch him release and laugh and please release tension. That is,

Speaker 1: 01:43 And I love the fact that even though you've been watching horror films for decades, you still get that visceral response to these films even today.

Speaker 2: 01:53 I do. And you would think I would know the tropes by now. And I think I do, but I think part of the fun is knowing the trope and then going, Oh, and they did that trout or different version of that trope. If I still scream you're right. I still get shocked. I don't know why I just do. Yeah. And, and she's right. I'm a jumper.

Speaker 1: 02:12 What led you to write who you are predominantly a dancer and a choreographer, and you decided to start writing, I think was your first play that you wrote for fringe?

Speaker 2: 02:23 Yeah. Um, I took a class at the old globe. It was a workshop and I wrote a 10 minute play and, um, and it sat on the shelf for maybe two years. And then the fringe star started up here in San Diego. I'm like, Hmm, maybe I should take this play out and do it because it really wasn't long enough. So I asked two other people to write plays and they did. And we, um, put it under the, the, the, the umbrella of bedrooms and boyfriends and that premiere did fringe.

Speaker 1: 02:49 And your first foray into writing was predominantly, it was comedy, and now you've turned to horror. So what made you to go in that direction with your writing?

Speaker 2: 03:02 Well, I've always loved her and I thought what a great way to pay homage to that by writing a play. And then I thought, what if I write three plays one, two, three, and you came up with the great name of a trilogy. I'm like, I don't, you know, I'll borrow that I were to throw a G and it's more like a psychological drama. There's some violence in it and blood in it. Um, the second one has a little, a little bit more violence and blood, and the third one is really bloody and really violent and really is about the tropes of the genre and how we can change the tropes and how those changes can change. How we look at it

Speaker 1: 03:41 For the first of our Halloween double dare plays. We have one that leans a little bit towards comedy, and this is Johnny and Babs versus the apocalypse. So what led you to write this?

Speaker 2: 03:53 Well, this is my statement on what I see going on in the world right now. And so I thought, how do I write about that? And I remembered that the grand daddy of zombie films night of the living dead is not only a zombie film, but a statement about the social unrest in the sixties. And so here we are 50 years later and we still have this, this unrest. And so I took that, that genre of zombie films, a plague as we have it and how these two character characters will respond. I don't give a lot of way about it, but yeah, it's, it's basically an annual here, like full online from, from, from the film in the play.

Speaker 1: 04:34 So Michael, introduce us to the cast of Johnny and Babs versus the apocalypse.

Speaker 2: 04:38 Oh yeah. Great cast. Uh, Johnny's played by Mark kero. Johnny is jocular and fun and loves to, um, tease Babs a lot. And Babs is played by Sidney joiner and Babs is, has potty. Mouth is a little politically incorrect, but is a lot of fun. And David I'm Janice, whose voice I love. And you'll hear that again as the stage directions.

Speaker 1: 05:01 All right. And since you mentioned potty mouth and politically incorrect, I just want to warn people that this is for mature audiences. So you have been warned. We set this up as calling this the Halloween double dare. And so we urge you to set the mood properly. When you listen to this, maybe wait till midnight, turn out the lights and put some headphones on and take a listen to the first of our Halloween double dare, which is Johnny and Babs versus the apocalypse.

Speaker 3: 05:43 Johnny Romero jobs through the front door is dressed in running shorts. And t-shirt he jogs to a box, takes out a bottle of water, Oaklands it and drinks a that's the stuff who is, who do you

Speaker 4: 05:58 Think you're black?

Speaker 5: 06:00 You don't have to say black soul sister. It's redundant.

Speaker 4: 06:05 Blahblahblahblahblah just opened the door.

Speaker 5: 06:07 How'd you get here so fast where you skulking in the hallway.

Speaker 4: 06:11 I would lurking now open the door

Speaker 6: 06:14 Either way. I'm not ready. Can you come back later? Don't sing the sound of music. I hate the sound of music. You sound like you're being murdered.

Speaker 4: 06:44 Glass houses, Johnny Glass houses. You're right.

Speaker 6: 06:49 I know. I was just about to head into the shower.

Speaker 4: 06:51 Not before we celebrate,

Speaker 6: 06:53 What are we celebrating? COVID don't you know, ready for the unveiling.

Speaker 4: 06:59 Of course, one,

Speaker 6: 07:03 Two, what? Condoms.

Speaker 5: 07:06 Johnny pulls down one side of his shorts to reveal a band-aid on his laptop. Barbara pulls up her sleeve to reveal a band-aid on her arm. I'm three days in hurt. Like, hell me too. I couldn't. Except for two days,

Speaker 4: 07:20 You know, you didn't have to get the vaccination on your . I know,

Speaker 6: 07:24 But dr. Derrick was super cute and I wanted him to know I was available.

Speaker 4: 07:30 Well, it was called a jump baleen until you bounced on it.

Speaker 6: 07:33 Yeah. I'll bounce on dr. Derek. Any time

Speaker 4: 07:36 You're such a . Don't be mean. Sorry, just making an observation.

Speaker 6: 07:42 Babs. We got the vaccine. That's the important thing. It's like 2020 was an S and M scene. And we finally have the safe word. I dunno. I thought it was kind of funny. Yeah,

Speaker 4: 07:53 No. I mean, you will literally stink you rekey. You should go get

Speaker 6: 07:56 Cleaned up. I said I was going to go shower,

Speaker 4: 07:58 Take a horse bath. Our reservation is at eight. Jesus. You're bossy. Hurry up and don't call me Jesus. Where's the rest of your stuff?

Speaker 6: 08:09 Just the bedroom stuff came today and the couch, the rest comes in tomorrow. Oh, where's Rob. Rob who? Rob your husband dummy.

Speaker 4: 08:18 He's not coming. Why? Because he has the table. Manners of Jeffrey Dahmer. Oh. Was that politically incorrect? Since you're gay and everything.

Speaker 6: 08:28 I know your tumor slightly off. It's fine.

Speaker 4: 08:31 Oh, speaking of slightly off. Mom wants you to call her.

Speaker 6: 08:34 Oh my God, mom. I like Dick. Get over it.

Speaker 4: 08:37 It's not about your pension for penis. Oh, then what? Like she would tell me I kept your gayness a secret. So now I am Hunter list. I ranked somewhere between Satan and Kellyanne. Conway.

Speaker 6: 08:50 Yeah. Sorry about that. Is she talking to you

Speaker 4: 08:53 Yet? If you consider and disappointed size is talking then? Yes.

Speaker 6: 08:58 So what do you think? I clean up. Nice. Right?

Speaker 4: 09:03 Ooh. Look at you. I know you are one handsome, sexy, man. If I wasn't your sister, I'd be all open to that.

Speaker 6: 09:12 Hmm. Do you need mental health? Where are we going tonight?

Speaker 4: 09:16 You did a cute little Italian restaurant called Martinelli's it just reopened. It's Uber gay. I've been there a few times before. It smells like an armpit, but the food is good. We went there for Darby's birthday last year. She wanted to go there, but I don't know why she's not a lesbian or at least I don't think she's lesbian. Who's Derby. Like, you know, Darby. I work with her. You met her at Ian and Craig's wedding. Last part.

Speaker 6: 09:39 Oh, Darby. The one with all the eczema.

Speaker 4: 09:42 Yep. Eczema. Hey, do you think I should ask her if she's a lesbian? No. Why not? It's not an insult.

Speaker 6: 09:48 I didn't say it was an insult. It's just none of your business. I doubt she's a lesbian. And why do you say that?

Speaker 4: 09:55 Lesbians don't have eczema and she has a really long fingernails. Oh my God. Sorry. Anyway, we'd call her dark. The carbs. She loves begets ZD, linguine. He's there all the time. And the annoying thing is she never gained an ounce. I put on a diet since I was 11. And she's a cutie up with eyes. Skinny . Hey, is there anything I can not Sean?

Speaker 6: 10:20 Well, there's some non-fat sugar-free locale yogurt in the fridge.

Speaker 4: 10:23 Don't be a butt. And I don't even like her that much, but everyone else, they just adore her dark, dark, the carb. Isn't that great. Isn't that pretty? It's like a Calista Flockhart fan club.

Speaker 6: 10:39 Then why'd you go?

Speaker 4: 10:41 I told you I worked with her. It was her birthday. I had to make an appearance, say my hellos and goodbyes. Watch her blow up the Campbell's you know, stupid like that. Oh, you're eating. Why are you here?

Speaker 6: 10:52 I'm not eating. I'm snacking. You're not

Speaker 4: 10:56 Knocking. You're grazing. You sound like a cow.

Speaker 6: 10:59 Should I cut it out? Humor really doesn't work for you. What's that? Are they ready for us at the restaurant? Um, no. It's a news alert. Since when do you watch the news?

Speaker 4: 11:16 COVID vaccine proves harmful to some

Speaker 6: 11:19 Well that's stupid. Let me look

Speaker 4: 11:22 From the directors of operation. Warp speed. Attention. 39% of individuals who received the COVID vaccine are exhibiting unexpected side effects. These side effects are usually experienced within two hours after the inoculation. And at this point, the severity of the side effects are unknown, but include venomous interjections from the mouth and uncontrollable and off key chanting

Speaker 6: 11:44 Babs can't breathe. I can't.

Speaker 4: 11:48 In most instances, death has occurred in these instances on workers have stated that dead are returning to life and seeking human victims and consuming their flesh. First I witnessed accounts of this grizzly development came from people who were incoherent and understandably frightened.

Speaker 5: 12:05 Johnny rises from behind the couch in a stupor. He stumbles slowly towards Barbara Bray, Bray.

Speaker 4: 12:15 Shut up Johnny. This is important officials and news personnel first discounted these eyewitness descriptions as being beyond belief. But now believe these accounts to be true

Speaker 5: 12:25 Coming to get you Barbara.

Speaker 4: 12:29 Wasn't funny, please. It was hilarious. This is serious, Johnny.

Speaker 5: 12:34 It sounds like an article from the onion.

Speaker 4: 12:37 It's not from the onion. It's from a very reliable source.

Speaker 5: 12:40 Let me guess Fox news. Do you want me to puke then? Who? The view? Like I so care what Meghan McCain thinks it's from Whoopie. It's from OB. Oh my God. We're okay. Right?

Speaker 4: 12:57 Yes. We're three days clear. We're good . Who's that knocking at the door.

Speaker 5: 13:02 It's a safe bet. It's not Bob Dylan. Who is it? Who is it? Looked as a people.

Speaker 4: 13:12 I felt looking for the people you looked for. The people is here. A apartment.

Speaker 5: 13:17 Oh my God. It's terrible. What do you see? A mob of dead eyed, blonde haired, white people.

Speaker 4: 13:26 Jesus. Let me look. Oh my God. So many dead on blonde haired, white people. It's like a scene out of village of the damned or the bachelor. Wait a minute. Dark. The car that . What is she doing out there? Let me see which one issue. Look for the eczema.

Speaker 5: 13:44 What the hell? There's more of them now. I feel like I'm at a Jimmy buffet concert. It's a cavalcade of Karen's. Who is it?

Speaker 4: 13:55 And update from whoopee individuals exhibiting these unexpected homicidal tendencies did not receive the vaccine via inoculation, but consumed the oral Kool-Aid Kool-Aid I didn't drink the Kool-Aid. Did you drink the lace?

Speaker 5: 14:08 Yes. Where are they saying? Sounds like all lives. All lives matter . I'm calling the cops. Really? Don't worry. I'll tell them I'm a white girl in trouble. Good idea. They'll be here in five minutes.

Speaker 4: 14:42 No, my phone just died. What are we going to do? I

Speaker 5: 14:52 Can't fight. It's either fight or become bark tar tomorrow. I'll fight here. A meat tenderizer. Who do I look like? Rachel Ray. Oh my God. It'll work. You just have to take a few good swing. Getting ready to tenderize. Some proud boys. Nice knives. Get ready to slice and dice. Aren't you glad I took those classes at Benihana time for some zombie filets. Are you ready? . No, but do we have a choice? Three. Thank you for being such a great sister. Thank you for being such a great little brother too. I love you. I love you more.

Speaker 5: 16:08 Come on, pastor. I'm trying. I'm trying that skinny , Darby bit me right on my boob. I guess that answers the lesbian question. Let me take a look. I'm not showing you my boob. It'll be fine. Whatever I need to rest. Can we stop for a minute? Okay. Yeah, but only for a minute. Okay. You were pretty amazing. You. I forgot what a bad-ass you can be Johnny. Do you think this is the end of the world? I hope not. I have a date with dr. Derrick tomorrow again. Yeah, probably he do you think mom's okay, mom, all the iron side. She'll be fine. She hates it. When you call her that. Oh, I know. I hope Rob's okay. Does he have like 8,000 guns? Yes, but he also has the aim of mr. Magoo. Yeah. I want to go find him. You read my mind little brother. Let's roll. Hey, what's that? I don't know. Stay back. Oh my God. It's the cops Babs. Wait, don't run towards them. Johnny falls to his knees and then collapses on the ground. Barbara stands motionless. She tries scream,

Speaker 6: 17:50 But nothing comes out.

Speaker 1: 18:02 All right. You were just listening to Johnny and Babs versus the apocalypse written by Michael misery Rainey. Now we're ready for the second of our two plays in our Halloween double dare. And this one is called die already, which the title alone is sounds like it's referencing some tropes. So what are you looking at in the horror genre in this particular play?

Speaker 2: 18:24 It definitely is. Yeah. If you ever seen a Friday, a 13th or Halloween or probably any other fright film, um, the killer never tends to stay dead. And so I'm sort of mining that trope a little bit, times three.

Speaker 1: 18:40 And this play also allows you to reveal some of your very snarky humor.

Speaker 2: 18:46 Yeah. I'm yeah. A lot of snarky humor. Yeah. I think, um, humor tends to put people at ease and then you can scare them. Really good. So if they're laughing, Oh, that's funny. That's funny. And then you're like, bam, a killer. Oh. And they jump. Maybe that's why I chopped. I get involved in the comedy and then I'm not ready and I get scared and I jump.

Speaker 1: 19:06 And just for anybody who's not familiar with your plays, language is also a little extreme. So you have been warned in advance.

Speaker 2: 19:15 Yes. Language. Yeah. Especially in this one. And there's some dialogue too, which may be like, Oh, you might have to pop open a dictionary or something, but yeah. Language, especially. Yeah. Language.

Speaker 1: 19:28 So introduce us to the cast for this one.

Speaker 2: 19:31 Sure. Tyler Lloyd is bran again. He's naive. Um, he doesn't have a lot of experience. There's chase played by Quincy Bazin who is seductive, but intrinsically evil. There is Jordan who is played by Kevin fan. Oh there's of course Gary played by CJ Lewis and then David, Janice will read the stage directions because his voice is so booming.

Speaker 1: 19:58 All right. So now get ready for the final play of our Halloween. Double dare. And this is Diane already

Speaker 6: 20:14 Cripes. What hit me last night. Oh, my head Radigan looks

Speaker 2: 20:19 Over at the sleeping buddy next to him.

Speaker 6: 20:26 I got to call Gary where's my, there it is. He does Gary. Gary, Gary. It's me. Yeah, I did it. I hooked up with that couple. You dare me. I actually, you double dog dare me. And I did it. I don't know their names. I mean, I probably know their names, but I just don't remember every everything's a little foggy. One of them is still in bed. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little sore. It's been awhile. No, I didn't do DP. At least. I think I didn't call you later, Gary. I will. I, I said I will. Hello? Oh, poop. And my phone is dead. Oh my God. Stop going off. Stop going off. You turn this stupid thing off. Yeah. What was his name? I don't remember his name. Did he tell me his name?

Speaker 3: 21:28 Brannigan. Spies. A wallet on the nightstand.

Speaker 6: 21:32 Let's see who I slept with last night. Bonds card, wellness card. 24 hour fitness membership clubs. San Diego ID. Jordan Winters, Jordan Winters. The hell is that

Speaker 3: 21:48 He sets the wallet on the nightstand and slowly and quietly climbs on the bed. Chase McCarran enters Brandix is just about to pull back the sheet on the sleeping body when?

Speaker 6: 22:02 Oh my God. You scared me.

Speaker 7: 22:05 Hmm. All right. Have that effect on people.

Speaker 6: 22:07 Yeah. Well, Oh, are you Jordan?

Speaker 7: 22:12 Um, chase, sleeping. Beauty over there is Jordan.

Speaker 6: 22:16 Oh, got it. Have you slept through his alarm? So you might want to wake him.

Speaker 7: 22:21 He doesn't have any place to be, uh, by the way, you were great last night.

Speaker 6: 22:26 Really? Well. Thanks. Everything's a little fuzzy in my head. I don't remember a lot. I didn't think I drank that much, but I guess I did

Speaker 3: 22:37 Chris's Brannigan and then smiled. So dr. Lee, you were great.

Speaker 6: 22:41 Well, thank you. It's the first time I did, you know, did two of you, I mean, did two people at the same time together in a bed together?

Speaker 7: 22:54 Uh, Jordan and I don't do this very often. Always some kind of complication. Threesomes are twice the sex. End six times the baggage as this.

Speaker 6: 23:01 They actually say that. Oh geez. Well, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't cause any problems.

Speaker 7: 23:07 Of course not. No, you were very, uh, enthusiastic and Jordan and I have a very stable merit.

Speaker 6: 23:14 Oh, you two are married. You don't look married.

Speaker 7: 23:17 Looks can be deceiving. Brannigan.

Speaker 6: 23:19 Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. You, you two just don't act married. That's all.

Speaker 7: 23:25 And how do married people act?

Speaker 6: 23:28 Oh man, that came out wrong. My parents were just really old. They've been married for a long time and they're still all goofy and stuff. Always together. I tell them they're joined at the arthritic hip. Sorry.

Speaker 7: 23:43 So what you're saying is the Jordan. I aren't gooey and stuff.

Speaker 6: 23:48 No, I'm sure you are. But last night you just weren't.

Speaker 7: 23:52 I thought your memory was fuzzy. What exactly do you remember?

Speaker 6: 23:55 Oh, okay. Well, I remember coming here to your place. Lots of bars on the windows and doors, by the way. And then we came in. I thought you were really nice and hot.

Speaker 7: 24:06 I thought the same about you

Speaker 6: 24:08 And you liked my haircut. I remember that too. I had just gotten it cut. And you said it made me look like Zach F

Speaker 7: 24:14 I did. And now it does.

Speaker 6: 24:16 And you brought me this really nice drink, fruity drink. I don't remember what it was called, but it was fruity like me, I guess, always a little fruity. And then I remember you put your hands on my waist and we danced, I guess not really danced, but more like swayed. I was never a very good dancer, too broken, left feet. And then you pulled me in tight. Like you're doing now. I could feel your breath on my neck, your fingertips on my back. And then you whispered to me,

Speaker 7: 24:47 What did I say?

Speaker 3: 24:48 Chase kisses, Branigan again, passionately and violently. They break. Scott was good.

Speaker 7: 24:56 What did I say?

Speaker 6: 24:59 Oh yeah. You said you asked her, do you want to go on an adventure?

Speaker 7: 25:04 And did you, well, I'm

Speaker 6: 25:05 Here our tie that you are. Oh. And then I felt someone behind me pressed against me, their hands wrapped around my chest. It must've been Jordan. And then, well, that's when it goes all fuzzy.

Speaker 7: 25:19 So you don't remember what happened after that?

Speaker 6: 25:22 Not really what my is pretty sore. So it must have been good. Are you sure bran again? Just stop yelling at me and yes. I'm sure. I mean bits and pieces, I guess, but not really. Oh my God. What is wrong with you?

Speaker 7: 25:35 Oh, sorry. Well, it really doesn't matter what you remember. I don't even know why I asked.

Speaker 6: 25:43 Why are you acting so weird?

Speaker 7: 25:45 Am I, huh? Well, maybe I'm still a little hung over

Speaker 6: 25:50 Me too. It was a strong drink. You gave me last night. Was it one sip? And I was gone. What was it at chase? I'm not normally that much of a lightweight,

Speaker 7: 26:03 The drink. Oh, you know a little vodka, fruit juice. Triple sec.

Speaker 6: 26:07 Huge. Did you drug me? Chase? Sure.

Speaker 3: 26:10 Puts his hands on Brannigan space.

Speaker 7: 26:13 No, never

Speaker 3: 26:15 Chase digs in his nails and violently scrapes them down. Brannigan and space.

Speaker 6: 26:22 What's wrong with you? You draw blood. You stupid. Jerk me. Stop it.

Speaker 3: 26:31 Chase puts Brandon his hands on his torso. Presses hard and scrapes them down his chest.

Speaker 6: 26:37 She's cool. . , , mother. . He's not

Speaker 8: 26:44 Tell me. Get up. Please get up. Get up.

Speaker 3: 26:46 Ran again. Pulls his hands away from Jordan. They are covered in blood.

Speaker 8: 26:51 You're wasting your breath. Jordan snap. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Speaker 3: 26:57 Randy, give me rushes towards the door.

Speaker 8: 26:59 Don't bother. It's locked.

Speaker 3: 27:02 Ran a gun. Turns to chase who pulls a baseball bat from under the bed.

Speaker 8: 27:08 What are you doing? Are you crazy? I'm not crazy. You're crazy. I'm just defending myself,

Speaker 3: 27:19 Raises the bat and runs towards Brannigan. Brannigan, darts out of the way you stance.

Speaker 8: 27:24 I can kill you. Kill me. No, I'm not going to stand still. So you could kill me,

Speaker 3: 27:31 Raises the back and runs towards Brannigan. Ah, Radigan poke Cox him. He falls to the floor with a foot Branigan heads for the door to key Branigan slowly walks towards chase. Double checking. Debbie is really unconscious. He bends down and starts to put his hand and chase his pants as he does. Jordan's bloody hand grabs. Brantigan's arm tightly.

Speaker 8: 27:57 Oh my God. Jordan. You're not Dan. You want to? Everything. The house, the business, the money. She tried to kill me. He stabbed me. It hurt like hell what mannequin he wants you to take the fall. She wants you dead once you dead. No kidding. I know he's freaking Michael Myers. Brannigan. Yeah. Behind you

Speaker 3: 28:21 During your conversation, chase has gotten to his feet, wielding the bat. Branigan grabs the bat. He pushes Brian again to the ground. Chase holds the bat at his throat.

Speaker 8: 28:32 Not making this easy. You're off of me. No way. This is the perfect plan. If you would just die already, you're trying to frame me. [inaudible] like Whistler's mother. You're not going to get away with this. You kidding. It's brilliant. We you. And you have some sort of psychosexual bipolar split and you snap, you killed Jordan. And then you tried to kill me. I find a bat and bash your face in there's enough DNA under your nails and up your to make it believable and to all be a very convincing survivor. Jordan's not dead. What behind you,

Speaker 3: 29:18 Jordan? Koch. Cox. He falls to the floor with a foot

Speaker 8: 29:22 That . Are you okay? Yeah. I'm fine. What about, you know, there's a knife sticking out of you. Yeah. I noticed I need you to pull it out. Oh, no way. Just pull it out. I'll put pressure on it with chase the shirt. That hurts. Oh, that was disgusting. No . Now let's get outta here. Let me help you. Do you have a phone? It's dead. It's chase. I don't think so. Let's get out of here. Can you help me walk? Yeah, sure. We know me. Do you have the key? No, we'll have to get Chase's. You're kidding me. Right? Do I look like I'm kidding you horse crap,

Speaker 3: 30:03 Ryan again slowly crosses to the other side of the bed.

Speaker 8: 30:07 Well, this is not good. What? He's gone. What do you mean? He's gone look under the bed. Oh man.

Speaker 3: 30:15 Brannigan gets on all fours. So it looks under the bed.

Speaker 8: 30:18 Oh, he's not there.

Speaker 3: 30:21 Chase emerges from behind the bed. Batching hat,

Speaker 8: 30:25 Brannigan. Look out. [inaudible] the knife. Grab the knife. Oh my God. Moses. Is he dead this time? I would say yes. What? I'm not going to check. So if you want to go check, be my guest

Speaker 3: 30:45 Gordon limped over to the nightstand, opens it up and pulls out a gun.

Speaker 8: 30:49 What are you doing? Chase? Actually, didn't have a bad idea. Getting a Patsy like you to take the fall for my murder was ingenious. I'll be a little too gruesome for my taste, but Hey, whatever works. You're nuts. Both you and chase are bat . Crazy. Birds of a feather. I guess you won't get away with this. You won't get away with this. I don't know about that. Chase set it up nicely. And with your fingerprints on the knife, it won't be a hard sell and then I'll get everything. Thank God I could grab a gun and shoot you before you got

Speaker 3: 31:21 Ran a gun grab for the gun. Get off

Speaker 8: 31:23 Of me. Give me the gun. off prick. Dumb alarm. The key

Speaker 3: 31:34 Brannigan approaches. Chase's body cautiously. He slowly bends down and just as he is about to retrieve the key.

Speaker 8: 31:46 Okay. Brandon, you can do this. You almost got it, Gary. Thank God you're here. How did you find me? Did you pay me? You're all right. Barely. All right. Nearly. All right. It's been a nightmare. I can't believe you're still alive. I know I should be dead. Yes, you should be can't you do anything right? Shot up that little . Head stabbed me. Get up Gary. What's going on? You know this psycho? Yes. I know this psycho. I've been this psycho. You set me up. You're such an idiot. I double dog dare Jew. And I know you can never turn down a double dog. Dare. We've been planning this for weeks and it should have gone off without a hitch. But for some reason you just won't die. Is Jordan dead? Yeah. The Dick weed here shot him. Good. Then we have just one loose end to deal with

Speaker 3: 32:45 Brannigan grabs the gun off the bed.

Speaker 6: 32:47 And this Dick Reed wants the key to that door.

Speaker 8: 32:50 He's got a hard on for that key. Oh, Brannigan. We're not going to give you the key. I think I need a hospital. Shut up. Give me the gun Brannigan. Give me

Speaker 6: 33:03 The key or I'll blow your freaking head off.

Speaker 8: 33:06 No you won't. I know you, you might be mad at me now, but you won't kill me.

Speaker 6: 33:12 Well maybe, maybe not. Or I could just let chase bleed to death. He's dead. Jordan's dead. And you get nothing. Yeah. I like that idea.

Speaker 8: 33:25 I hate that idea. Shut up. I need a doctor, Gary. I said, shut the up. Just sit there and bleed. Let me handle this. All right. You win. Chase. Give me your key or how I will give me the key or I'll kill you myself. Fine. Here you go. Take it, throw it on the bed. Sure.

Speaker 6: 33:52 Don't follow me.

Speaker 8: 33:55 I wouldn't think of it. What are you doing? Don't talk to me. You idiot. You had one job, one job at to make sure he was dead. I don't even know why I give you the time of day because I'm rich and you're a size queen. He knocked a 2000. You might want to stick a chicklet in there.

Speaker 3: 34:16 He kneels down and grabs the bat.

Speaker 8: 34:19 Now I'll just sneak down the stairs and bash his head in myself. Oh, you gave him the key. We're stuck in here. I gave him your key. I still have mine. You idiot. And just about now, he should be realizing the doors and windows are all locked and he's too much of a fat head to squeeze between those bars. Take my phone. As soon as they give you the all clear dial nine one one. I can't believe I have to do your dirty work. Hey, I killed Jordan. You said Branigan killed Jordan. Very, no one killed Jordan, Jordan still alive. Why aren't you dead? Why aren't you? You killed at your next. Why won't you die already? Why won't you die already? I'm going to kill you. Not before I kill you.

Speaker 3: 35:19 Brandon looks around at all. The dead bodies ran again, grabbed the scariest phone from Chase's hand and dials. It rings.

Speaker 6: 35:31 What's my emergency. I just had the three-way from hell

Speaker 5: 35:44 Don't mass alarm.

Speaker 1: 35:48 And you were just listening to dial ready by Michael misery Rainey. And I want to thank Michael very much for having written these two plays and allowed me to put them on as part of cinema junkies, Halloween double dare podcast. So thank you very much, Michael. Thank you, Beth. Thanks for listening to another episode of the KPBS and a junkie podcast to learn next film, fix I'm Beth Armando, your resident cinema junkie.

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Cinema Junkie

Satisfy your celluloid addiction with the Cinema Junkie podcast, where you can mainline film 24/7. This film and entertainment series is run by KPBS Film Critic Beth Accomando. So if you need a film fix, want to hear what filmmakers have to say about their work, or just want to know what's worth seeing this weekend, then you've come to the right place