Resources And Information For Family Caregivers

Maureen Cavanaugh: This is KPBS midday edition I’m Maureen Cavanaugh. Expected lifespans continue to increase. A new CDC report finds that the average American aged 65 can expect to live another 19 years or more. But unfortunately those years are sometimes challenging. Diseases and infirmities can lead to some tough decisions for older people and their adult children. Now support services are springing up to help senior citizens and their families make good choices and keep seniors safe and independent as long as possible. I’d like to welcome my guest Fritzi Gros-Daillon, is CEO and founder of Households Guardians in San Diego. She’s written a book called “Grace and Grit: Insights Into Real-Life Challenges of Aging for Adult Children and Their Parents” Fritzi welcome to the program. Fritzi Gros-Daillon: Thank you so much. Maureen Cavanaugh: And Lorie Van Tilburg is the executive director and founder of the Southern Caregiver Resource Center, which serves San Diego and Imperial Counties. Lorie welcome back Lorie Van Tilburg: Thanks Maureen Maureen Cavanaugh: Fritzi your book talks about what may be the biggest challenge that faces an aging person, that’s moving out of their home into a safer assisted environment. One of the most frequent reasons why a move like that is necessary Fritzi Gros-Daillon: Oftentimes in a family there is, what I call a trigger event, it could be something that’s happened medically, it could be something else that’s happened in the family, in some cases it’s the loss of a spouse. Or it’s a decision that relates to where the children are and if they’ve moved, and someone has just come to retirement or post retirement and they want to be closer to the family. So, most of the time however there is a trigger event that says ok now we’re going to do it, that’s the challenge for families. Maureen Cavanaugh: And it sounds as if this trigger event involved in most of these situations. that this is not following anybody’s previously held plan or families thought decisions together that they made previous to whatever event has triggered this change Fritzi Gros-Daillon: Oh absolutely and by sharing the stories I believe, in the book, where families at different stages have encountered different kinds of circumstances and we just talked for example about sibling rivalry. It takes many forms, and it comes up even when something is really well planned, it’s a surprise sometimes. Maureen Cavanaugh: Now, Lorie, I think a lot of people who help out their aging parents don’t necessarily think of themselves as caregivers. What’s the definition of a caregiver, as you understand it. Lorie Van Tilburg: That’s interesting that you bring that up because I think that’s one of the things we often find that when you’re caregiver you don’t identify as a caregiver because “it’s my mom, it’s my dad”, you know I’m just doing what I need to do as their daughter, and I think for many people a caregiver takes many forms, it could be going and transporting your mom or dad to the doctor, going to the grocery store, doing bills or it could be much more hands on care where you’re actually doing physical care doing wound care, you’re monitoring medications. So it’s in varying degrees depending on the person you’re caring for. Maureen Cavanaugh: And is everyone cut out to be a caregiver? Isn’t that one of the things that people need to think about as they’re making plans for their parents and their parents are making plans for themselves. How do you know if you’re going to be any good at this? Lorie Van Tilburg: Usually you don’t know until you get into it and often times there are people that are very cut out for caregiving and then there’s some people who are not cut out to be a caregiver and they need to find other options. I think one of the things now that we’re finding is that caregivers are having to do many more types of caregiving than they used to. And they’re having to do much more complex care for their loved one, because hospital stays are much shorter now. So, people are faced with situations where they never had any trainings, so that’s one of the things that Southern Caregiver Resource Center, we help give them the tools so they can understand how to be a better caregiver, so that they can learn more about the disease, they can learn about resources in the community, they can set up things in their home to make it easier to care for their loved one Maureen Cavanaugh: Fritzi in your book Grace and Grit you outline a number of different scenarios involving an older person who needs to change residences. And one of them involves an older man who’s frustrated because everybody is talking about him, but nobody is talking to him. Is that something that you encounter frequently? Fritzi Gros-Daillon: I have encountered it, some, and it happens in different kinds of settings as well as in this one where his daughters were essentially interviewing move managers to help him. But I’ve also heard it in doctor’s offices, when someone is there with a person who is older and the physician o physician’s assistant, lot’s of people will talk to the younger person because they may hear better, they may think that they understand, but for elders, it's that moment where they don’t have that sense of control, their independence is gone again. And they want to really have the opportunity to be the ones that get the information directly. Maureen Cavanaugh: To be the central person in this discussion. Fritzi Gros-Daillon: Right Maureen Cavanaugh: Lorie when should families talk about and prepare for changing circumstances of an older parent. Lorie Van Tilburg: You know I think it’s always best to prepare as soon as you can. And I think with the holidays coming up a lot of times now, younger kids are going to visit their parents and they’re finding that their home is in disarray, maybe there’s memory problems. Now would be a good time to start those conversations before there is a crisis. But it’s often difficult to bring up those types of conversations because the roles are changing, you’re still the son or the daughter, and the parents aren’t really wanting you to have that kind of input into their lives. I think one of the things that Southern Caregiver Resource Center were able to sit down with the family and talk to them about holding a family meeting, giving the caregiver tips on how to bring these topics out. Maureen Cavanaugh: Fritzi, you have a story in your book about an adult child who was in frequent touch with I believe it was her mother. But then when she visited the house she found that her mother wasn’t being able to take care of herself anymore, and she didn’t pick up on that, on the telephone, one the conversations that they were having. Fritzi Gros-Daillon: Right. The story is Patti and her grandmother. She had already helped her mom in that particular narrative. But, yes, she believed every time she called, grandma says I’m fine, and then when she goes there, it’s really not the case. It can be pretty much of a shock. Like what Lorie’s talking about when you go to visit and you haven’t seen someone in a while, there can be kind of dramatic changes, that I have recommended to people that they use the I message too, when they try to start the conversations and say I’m concerned or it’s important to me that we look at keeping the house neat or we look at some getting some meals in and some of those choices. Maureen Cavanaugh: One of your goals Fritzi, I know is to see older people be able to stay in their homes longer, and you have a home guardian’s checklist. Can you just give us a feeling for some of the things that may be on that? Fritzi Gros-Daillon: The household guardian assessment list, really goes room by room and also does the exterior of the house, so we look at lighting, railings, the common things people familiar with in terms of stairs and throw rugs and those things. But, we try to look past that and look at how the homeowner lives in their home, what are the paths that they travel in their home and make sure that those pathways are clear. And we do a lot with lighting. Maureen Cavanaugh: Lorie, what about the devices that we see advertised like life alerts and things of that nature, do they help older people stay in their homes? Are they reliable? Lorie Van Tilburg: They definitely do. We’ve worked a lot with the personal emergency response system, and then we’ve had great success with that. Medication management tools are out there as well that’s very helpful as well. Just basic grab bars things that you can put in your bathroom to prevent falls. As Fritzi said, make sure pathways are clear, good lighting is in the house. And then there are more sophisticated devices too with technology where you can get sensors in the home to monitor an elderly person’s activities, to see how long they've been in the bathroom, to find out of they’re just staying in bed. So there are a lot of things now with technology that are coming in the market that can really assist with helping families make sure that their loves’s safe. Maureen Cavanaugh: Fritzi, people often feel very alone when it comes to trying to figure out how to keep their loved ones safe and well cared for. Do you see that situation changing as we sort of all make this journey together into the uncharted territories of caring for elderly parents and also just see our own future as older people coming up in the distance. Fritzi Gros-Daillon: That’s part of my mission. It’s to really let people know more and more about the resources that are out there and we often suggest the small devices you can get at the hardware store or as well as looking some of the new technology. But I think more as more people search the internet and look for local resources, the Caregiver Coalition is a fabulous place to find resources as well to help you. Maureen Cavanaugh: I have to end it there. I have been speaking with Fritzi Gros-Daillon her book is called “Grace and Grit: Insights Into Real-Life Challenges of Aging for Adult Children and Their Parents” and Lorie Van Tilburg executive director and founder of the Southern Caregiver Resource Center. Thank you both. Lorie Van Tilburg: Thanks Maureen. Fritzi Gros-Daillon: Thank you very much.