National

Say Yes To The Dress? Marriage, Madness, And Me

By Sophie Adelman

Published December 15, 2011 at 11:34 AM PST

This story was published more than 12 years ago.

Sophie Adelman tries out her dress — but hasn't taken off the price tag just yet.

Sophie Adelman is the All Things Considered opinion intern at NPR.

For a moment there, I thought I'd accidentally bought a wedding dress.

Despite new statistics showing that married couples are now only 51 percent of the population, I'd still like to join this rare breed ... someday. While I listened on the phone to an engaged friend wax poetic about her $2,000 gown, I thought, "Not you, Adelman. Forget the dress — think of all the booze you could buy for an open bar!"

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Maybe it was the thought of my friend and her impending nuptials, or simply a nod from fate. Still, it was eerily serendipitous to find myself that day in a forgotten corner of that paragon of high fashion, H&M. And there, on a rack, was a lovely confection of cascading creamy pleats. Simple, yet elegant. The last one left. Those Swedes have thought of everything!

So I tried it on. I graciously accepted compliments from other shoppers in the dressing room. I was assured by a friend (an economics major) that she thought it reasonable and fiscally responsible. I haggled a bit over the lipstick stain and emerged victorious, for the princely sum of $30. But then I realized something.

I was plus one dress... and minus a plus one.

I almost returned it on the spot. The idea of owning a potential wedding dress, like a constant talisman of singledom at the ripe age of 23, was terrifying. Instead, I tore back to my parents' apartment, flung open the door and announced, "I just made the most impulsive purchase!" I tried it on for my mother, who said, "It's a lovely dress, but you won't wear it at your wedding."

That was that. I'd never felt such relief.

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Sophie Adelman is at work on her first novel. She lives in Washington, D.C.

There's a lot of talk about marriage these days. There was Kate Bolick's Atlantic piece, "All The Single Ladies," on the death of traditional marriage. And Jeffrey Eugenides' book, The Marriage Plot, about brainy post-grads professing love and spouting literary theory. Earlier this year, I sat with my college roommates eating doughnuts and drinking celebratory cups of Earl Grey at 4 a.m. while we watched Kate Middleton saunter down the aisle.

Yet for millions of college-educated young women like me, we can't quite figure out the elusive marriage plot. We may study organic chemistry, but we know that romance doesn't brew in beakers. And while we're busy trying to grapple with Intro to Women and Gender Studies, we're constantly reminded of those who strode before us. We're so grateful — but what to do with this weighty legacy? We don't want to let Gloria down, but we're generations after the party, and our heads are aching with the bright light of modern day.

Is it too early for marriage? Is it too late? Will I be destined to marry a man who will resent me for being the breadwinner?

I don't think these questions are worth asking, let alone answering.

In the meantime, if you find yourself close to elopement, but far from Swedish fast fashion, I might be able to help you out. I know a closet with a little white dress that might be just perfect for a brief moment of crazy, stupid love.