Parents often wait to have conversations about technology use until after problems arise and digital habits are already being formed. Take, for example, that half of children in the U.S. have their own tablet by the age of 8.
The message from one child expert is clear: Don’t wait.
Rady Children’s Hospital child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins emphasizes the importance of talking with your kids about screens early — before your child starts using a smartphone or tablet.
📃 We have a family media plan, and we follow it together
Make sure your child knows exactly what to expect. Talk about where devices are allowed and not allowed, like no phones in bedrooms, bathrooms or at the table. Set tech-free times, like right before bed and during meals. Build in offline time every day and be clear about what happens if the plan isn’t followed. Trust happens when the expectations are clear and consistent.
🔒 What’s private is power
Help them understand what personal information really means (full name, school, birthday, daily routines, photos of others) and why we don’t share it. Explain that online safety is the new version of “don’t talk to strangers.”
🚩 How to spot red flags
Kids need to know how to spot things that don’t feel right. Teach them to be cautious of messages that ask them to keep secrets or people who seem too eager to connect. If it feels off, they should stop and come talk to you. Trusting their instincts is part of staying safe.
🚫 Why not all content is meant for them
Just because it shows up in your child's feed doesn’t mean it’s true or made for their age. Walk them through how algorithms work and why they might be shown things that are too intense, too mature, or completely made up. Let them know they can always ask you if something feels confusing or extreme.
➕ Find positive online activities
Not all screen time is bad. Help them find ways to use the internet that feel meaningful — learning something new, exploring an interest, creating music or videos, joining a positive group. Encourage them to ask themselves, “Do I feel better or worse after this?” and “Am I using this to grow or just to fill time?”
📲 'Just because you can post it doesn’t mean you should'
Talk to your child about the importance of pausing before they post. Teach them to ask themselves, “How will this make someone else feel?” and “Would I be okay if this came up later or was shown to my teacher?” Help them understand that not every thought needs to be shared, and not everything deserves a reaction.
♥️ Kindness counts online too
Make sure they know that the rules of real-life kindness still apply online. There’s always a person on the other side of the screen. Ask them to think about how it would feel to receive that comment or message. Remind them that kindness online isn’t weakness — it’s emotional strength.
⚠️ What to do when something upsetting comes up
Whether it’s cyberbullying, a scary post or something they weren’t ready for, your child needs a plan. Teach them to stop scrolling, take a screenshot if they need to, and then come to you. And mean it when you say this — they won’t get in trouble for telling you. Practice a few common scenarios with them so they feel ready. Ask, “What would you do if someone sent you something mean?” or “What if you posted something and regretted it?” Let them rehearse with you before it happens in real life.
💻 Screens aren’t for soothing
When your child is sad, bored or overwhelmed, they need tools, not distractions. Make sure they know that it’s okay to feel things and then offer other ways to cope. Go outside, draw, move their body, talk to someone ... take a break. And model it yourself. Screens can distract, but they don’t heal.
👣 Digital footprints are real
Even if something is deleted, it can be saved or screenshot. Teach them to ask, “Would I want this shown in class?” or “Would I be okay with Grandma seeing this?” It’s not about scaring them — it’s about helping them pause and think.
