The Talk

S1: Listen , you see the text and it was about lightning. The book Lightning right by dinar currency.
S2: What did you just say ? Currency ? Yeah.
S1: Then our currency.
S2: I think it's coots. I think it's just crude. There's no there's no currency.
S1: K o NPC. The currency. Currency.
S2: Now , now you.
S3: Would need other vowels.
S2: In there somewhere to make it currency. I don't think that's right.
S1: Even a bit.
S2: Oh , I always want to bet you are now.
S4: Tuned to the Park Edison Project.
S1: Good morning and welcome to season two of the P e project. This go round , we're showing you how culture plays a part in our everyday lives. This episode , the theme is.
S2: Whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa.
S3: You are going to be talking about what ? Oh , no , no , no. We had a bet. You lost again.
S1: I'm I'm doing I'm doing the intro already. I'm in the studio. I'm doing the intro right now. Already.
S3: But you lost the bet. I mean , bet's a bet.
S1:
S3: Sometime you'll win. But this time you lost again. It's my show. Sex is a big part of our lives. For this week's show , I thought it would be smart to talk about this big and complex topic by starting at the beginning. Like egg means sperm beginning. No , this is not a biology show and I am not an expert in anything , really. I am just an ordinary , inquisitive person with a show about sexy stuff where we have intimate conversations with experts like you about how you experience , think and talk or don't talk about sex. Today's topic is the talk. Bom , bom , bom. You know what I mean ? The talk. The one about the birds and the bees , anatomy and biology , relationships and religious and social expectations. Do it. Don't do it. What is it ? You know that talk. I wanted to know how culture and context shape this very intimate and mostly awkward conversation. So join us for sex and stuff with Miss Lolly while we talk about the talk.
S2: Well , now , now.
S5: This is loneliness.
S3: So , Parker , you're here with me to talk about the talk.
S1: I'm here. I had a show. I had a whole show idea. And this is. This is it.
S3: Now got scrapped and got totally scrapped because I won. So now I have a show idea and it's the talk.
S2: You ready ? Yeah.
S1:
S2: You sure ? Yeah.
S1: Yeah.
S3: Hey , look , nobody can see you blush over radio. So I don't know if you know this about me , but I'm a really obnoxiously curious person. So when I want to know something , I start asking a lot of questions. Which means I went around asking everybody. I mean , everybody that I met anywhere I was how they got the duck.
S1: That's crazy out like like like bars , like church , like Mars.
S3: When I went out to dinner with people like everybody in my family. Everybody. And the funny thing is , is people actually told me nobody said no. Nobody shied away. Everybody had a story. And they were willing to tell me was weird. Wow.
S1: Wow. You're like the people whisperer.
S3:
S1: My mom sat me down and gave me , like , a whole two hour Ted Talk esque thing , like when I was like , in eighth grade. And that was like the how it happens. The man and the woman. All of it. The whole shebang. And then my cousin gave me another speech , kind of built on it , the mechanics of it , like , Oh , you're going to do it this way. You're going to need to do. And then later , my father , when I was like 17 , 18 , gave me the whole he sat me down and was like , this is the part you're going to play in society. And the big picture of it. So it's like an ongoing course.
S3: Oh , my gosh. That's a lot. He got all three of them , like major components of what sex is , right ? The biology of it , the physical side of it , how it shapes you as a person and how you relate to other people in society. You're saying your cousin gave you tips on how to do.
S1: It as we're talking about it ? I never thought about it before , but I think it's because I'm a male and we're going to start the ball rolling , so we kind of have to get those tips on this is what you're going to do. These are precautions you're going to take because we're there. We're going to kind of initiate a lot of the the episodes.
S3: I got tips from other from teenage boys is they're not a good source of information. No.
S2: No. No.
S3: Basically , learn as you go.
S2: What ? Yeah.
S3: Like nobody told me how to do anything.
S1: I mean , and again , it might be because I had , like , a big family. And so , you know , like , my mom started the ball rolling and.
S3: Yeah , that's actually something that I noticed too. And talking to people was that there's a huge difference between people who come from big families and people who come from smaller families and how much information they get. Like , you know , like my little family. One person was going to give me the talk , you know , my mom and she just decided not to. And I wasn't getting it from anybody else. Yeah , she sat me down when I was 17 and she's like , Hey , so I'm pretty sure that you and your boyfriend are probably having sex , so maybe we should talk about that. And I'm like , I lost my virginity , you know , three years ago. And she's like , Oh , well , then I guess , you know , and that was that. Wow.
S2: Wow. Wow.
S3: Wow. That was that was the amount of information I was going to get from anybody in my family.
S1:
S3:
S2: What I need. Hi , Mama. What's going on ? I have a weird question for you. If you have said , Oh , well , what is it ? So I'm wondering if Mama. Ever.
S3: Ever.
S2: Talk to you about sex when you were a kid. Nana talked to me about sex. I don't think so. Nana didn't talk to me about anything that was definitely real. So it seems to me that if we had had a sex talk , it would have had to include her , if you understand what I mean. That would be off the table. She couldn't tell you about you.
S3: Having sex without.
S2: Having to allude to the fact that she has sex. That would be humiliating for her to talk about that. And to tell you the truth , she wouldn't be my go to person. The fact that she didn't talk to me about it's okay with me. I didn't want to talk to her. But it's easier , you know , because you don't want to think of your parents having sex. So you don't know. I know I approached your sister because I wanted her to know about birth control. I didn't give her , like , a big sex talk. I think my I gave her , you see , more of a sex talk than you did. It's possible because you're her older sister. But anyway , I've been on the topic. Yeah. Yeah , yeah. No , it's okay.
S3: I heard the doorbell ring.
S2: I'm sorry to keep you for too long. Okay , sweetheart. Okay.
S3: I love you. Have fun on your trip. Oh , okay. So we we got to go back to this this three part talk that you got. I asked a bunch of my friends about the big family versus small family thing. Turns out having a big family really does make a huge difference. For instance , I talked to my friend Lashaun recently. She's a small business owner from Baltimore. She has two kids who are out of the house. They're they're grown. Grown. And she raised them with her husband , Chris. She talks about her background growing up with a big family and how much the black church influenced life and culture growing up.
S2: Matter of fact , we got married in our little small black church , and that was wonderful. There's nothing but Catholics for Christmas. If you didn't know there's anything other than a Catholic school years like 13.
S3: Then of course I had to ask her how to get to the point and ask her how she got the talk and then how they as a family gave the talk.
S2: It was not a taboo in our family. I don't remember ever getting the talk from my mom. I don't think I was ever hesitant to talk to her about it because she was always so open. My mom was a single mom , so I was raised a lot with my cousins because my grandma would watch us. My granny would watch us whenever anyone had any issues. I don't believe anyone was embarrassed by it. It was just the natural way of life. Some cultures are very free with how they speak about the body and show the body and.
S3: Talk about.
S2: Body parts and then also about the actual.
S3: Sexual experience.
S2: So I'm wondering , how old were you when you started asking questions ? And seven. When my daughter was curious. She was around the same age and she was hearing from the boys at school , you know , kind of bragging about this and using all these terms that she hadn't heard before. So she went on the Internet to try and find it out. This was a big thing for us on a porn site because see her girl , girl , boy , boy in the street , it's like , what is going on here ? For some reason , she thought that she would get in trouble for talking to us about it. My husband and I sat down there. Well , if you have questions , let's talk about this. Sex is a natural thing. I thought just by her hearing us talk and this not she was getting enough information. I didn't know that I hadn't come back. Always on the on the player. What kind of advice would you give to a mom of a six or seven year old who might be showing that they're curious , like your daughter ? Be open with your kids even though they're seven or eight. Be honest about your answers. Don't try to hide the answers just because you're embarrassed by it. Make sure that they know that they can talk about anything.
S1: Wolf subculture does play a huge part in how this whole piece of information comes out. Yeah.
S3: Yeah. And even about how we treat our bodies and seeing other people's bodies , I think is very culturally influenced as well. Lashaun and I were talking later in that conversation. She talked about , you know , walking around the house in their underwear. Not a big deal whether there was the boys or the girls or didn't matter. And I had a very similar experience growing up when my dad moved out of the house. It was just my mom , my sister and I , we walked around the house naked. No problem. It was like not even a thing. And I thought that that was normal. And then when I talked to my friend Dez and told her about that , she laughed in my face hard. She's like , What ? You guys do what ? No way. Not in my house. There's no way. But she grew up in a more conservative Catholic house.
S2: How would you describe.
S3: Your family's culture.
S2: In New Jersey ? Yeah , my family was super religious Catholic school. Up until eighth grade. I transferred and the public there were predominantly white people in the school. So I'm wondering how.
S3: The concept of sex was.
S2: Brought up in Catholic school. It wasn't. And I didn't even know that you're supposed to wear it from front to back until I heard it off of the no effect song.
UU: From project that I died a the bladder infection.
S2: It was. I went and got birth control on my own. My mom's response was always No. Well , why ? Because I said so. So what about. Conversations.
S3: Conversations.
S2: About your body ? No , no , never. I mean , when I got my period , I was told I turned into a woman , but I didn't even know it was coming. I screamed. And what does that even mean ? It became a woman , sat me and at that at 12 a.m. a whole idea of like where babies come from. How'd you figure that one out ? My mom. She says that when I was younger , I asked her and she was very upfront and scientific about it. But I don't remember that. But I learned more about sex and stuff from my friends. How old were you when you were talking to your friends about sex ? High school ? 14. 15. And you have a daughter. How old is your daughter ? Seven. So what do you think you will do differently than your mom did when it comes to talking about sex and the body and reproduction ? I'm going to explain everything. My plan is to get a book and show how it works and what happens and explain it in a way that I hope that she'll understand.
S3: A lot of people said they either didn't get a talk or when they did , it was around like sixth or seventh grade , which , I mean , you said you got yours around that time , too.
S2: Mm hmm.
S3: As you heard and probably experienced , kids are talking about sex and finding info about it with younger than 12. Questions about where babies come from happened long before puberty and talks about body parts. Start as soon as kids notice differences in their bodies and others. So I started asking people about the conversations that they had. Wait , wait.
S1: Wait , wait , wait , wait , wait. I got to pay some bills real fast. I mean , do a commercial break , and then I'm super interested in this piece. So we'll come right back from this commercial and then we'll get into that here. Yeah.
S3: Yeah. Okay. I can wait.
S1: All right.
S2: You are now.
S4: Tuned to the Park Edison Project.
S1: Okay , we're back before we left. You were talking about how a lot of parents are giving the talk when the kids are 12 and 13. But by that time , kids are already aware of sex and sexuality and having those conversations on their own well before that.
S3: Oh yeah. Kids are having talks on the playground where before a parents think that it's time to talk. So I started asking people about that too. Like , when did you start talking to your friends about things , you know , not just when did you get the talk , but when did you start talking about it in general ? And one of the best examples I have is this woman I met named Cleo. I met her hanging out at a bar and we were having a conversation. Of course , I started asking these questions and her experience was different from anyone else I talked to , but not at all unique to her family's culture.
S6: So I think most of my understanding about sex probably happens , like just watching TV through the media. We had cable like I think first because I think like it was when cable first came out. And I think a lot of there's a lot of questions about like , is it going to be a bad influence on children ? And my parents are first like , I'm first generation. My parents are immigrants. They weren't a part of that conversation. Like I was privy to it because I was watching the news , but they didn't really mind it and they like the idea of cable , so we got it and they didn't really monitor what we were watching. So I had to watch whatever I wanted , you know.
S3: And where are your parents from ? Egypt.
S6:
S3: So your friends or your family talk about protection or as kids or anything like that.
S6: So definitely not that kind of conversation with my mom at all. Like , she's very conservative. I'm 43 years old and I didn't live with my last like my most significant relationship. I lived with them for like 11 years and she were asked , I'm a virgin. We just don't talk about it. Like if my mom had her way , I would live with her until I was engaged and then I would have gotten the talk , probably like after I was engaged. I'm sure that's how it would have for me.
S3:
S6: And she was right. I got it like a month before I turned 18.
S3: I feel like you don't have any information when you're four years old. Five years old. Six years old. Right. And at some point you hear from somewhere , you know , that periods happen , you know , or you from somewhere , you hear that you have to be a virgin. That's what it means to be a virgin. This is what it means to have a hymen broken.
S6: And I think we spoke about this once before. But like in my generation and my mom's generation , they're , you know , in each of them practice of like cut her rectum is me and my sister are the only two women that are intact in my family in my generation even I like was always aware of that at least you know visiting going to Egypt. I knew that like boys got circumcised and girls also had their version of circumcision. It's a little confusing there because some people think it's a muslim practice , but it's like an African practice. And so it's just like an ancient Egyptian practice practice all over Africa. There was a focus there , like I said , on genitalia. Like I knew that they had the operation. We talked about it.
S3:
S6: I mean , like I feel like if you don't have a specific memory of any of these things , really. But we knew this stuff , you know.
S3: So talking about the operation at six , seven years old , so commonplace , it's like now you just know these things. But talking about sex , you stand and the fact that you're not a virgin you can talk about with your mom even in your forties. MM.
S6: But like as far as explaining what sex is , what abstinence is , what happens , like how you get pregnant , all those things that you do learn in school like sex ed.
S3: Like a school is like.
S6: So there's that like you learn about sex like , like that starts at 12. They're probably happy to , like , have that , like , technical stuff covered so they wouldn't have to go into it and like , you know , it's like all those things are true. But they're going to happen for you once you get married.
S3: Did you go to public school ? Yeah. I've talked to quite a few women who went to Catholic school.
S2: Uh huh.
S3: And actually one woman who was raised Jehovah's Witness. And so they did not get any of that kind of conversations in school.
S6: Like having this conversation. It is very strange that there so many things surrounding like genitalia , anatomy that we understood , and that was information that was passed between children , but we never had serious conversation about sex.
S3:
S6: Like I think that needs to start at a very young age and then having the talk , I mean , I feel like I would have it like when they're 12 , that information's out there. So I think I would have to start young. I would have to start younger than. The age of 12. I don't know. Torture since I've been here. Wow.
S1: Wow. Mind blown. There's so much in that convo. Man , that's. That's insanity. I mean , among other things , one of. One of the things that I'm getting repeatedly , though , from a lot of these clips is the impact the media is having on all these young ladies social educations.
S3: Oh , yeah. You know , with LaShawn and her kids looking at porn when they're young , trying to get information and does not knowing about her body until she heard it from a no effect song , you know. And then Cleo learning things from cable TV. Media also had a big influence on me and my sexuality. Just the music I listened to growing up , you know , I was really into punk rock and the goth scene and there's so many sexual overtones and undertones in that music that kind of pushed me in a direction to explore some things because of how much music was a part of my life. Hmm.
S1: So maybe it's about valuing all the different ways that we do learn our sexual education. Because in its own way , each way is equally valuable.
S3: Yeah , exactly. I mean , I think the real takeaway here is that everyone is an expert in their own life and their own experience of sex. And I find it really interesting how culture shapes our attitudes and reactions to something so universal. I think if we didn't treat it like this big , splashy conversation , that we might actually get to learn from each other a lot more. Like , I get to learn from you and what your family taught you. I got to learn from LaShawn , what her family taught her. And we're always still learning. Hmm.
S1: So , parents , stop being shy , get in there and start having these conversations because it's happening , whether or not you discuss it or not.
S3: Yeah , there's so many resources now. Planned Parenthood has some of the best videos going on right now. People writing questions. They ask their questions about everything. Kind of like what you were getting from your family. They finally made videos like that and they're on YouTube.
S1: I've got some of those. I've seen them. And in fact , we're going to attach a link to some of those Planned Parenthood informational pieces at the Parker Edison Project website so that you guys can hop on there if need be. And seriously , parents get on and get in.
S3: So thanks for letting me take over your show again.
S1: I don't know if I had a choice.
S3: You did. And maybe you'll win the next. The next bet.
S2: Well , now be.
S5: This is largely. Stay tuned for more of the pep.
S1: That was pretty dope stuff , right ? Conversations with Lolly are always an adventure. You might have noticed some very cool tune kids playing in the background. One of the things we're doing with this second season is getting signed an unsigned talent to score whole episodes for us. This go round , we were lucky enough to get electro pop funk phenoms Cosmic Collective. They even took a few minutes to chat so you could get to know them a little better.
S2: I'm Nicky and slow on Tyler for the Cosmic Collector. And we're calling from Charlotte , North Carolina.
S1: Oh , Northcutt , Galactic.
S2: So I guess that's the mystery. Fourth one , Hidden Originals album. Yeah.
S1:
S2: I feel like we're inspired by so many different genres and artists that it's so hard to put like a box on our sound. But I would say there's a lot of elements of jazz soul on dance music , like EDM , electronic , but organic at the same time. That's what we're going for at least.
S1: Yeah , it taps into so many different things. Super interesting to me. And.
S2: And.
S1: I love your track Transcendental Love.
S2: Like , if you rush too fast , tell someone how you feel , kind of freaks , then out a little bit. So it's all about timing. We wrote and recorded the entire song in one week and released the video in a week.
S1: On that note , I want them to hear it because it's my favorite. Would you mind introducing it for us.
S2: Ladies and gentlemen , transcending the cosmic collective.
S5: To peek into these worlds together. Dude , my love ticket. Oh , we've been heard through interviews , readings. Guys wanted to give me time to come to do how I feel. If you ask me a minute scared off , I'll be ears. Give me time to come to you. Tell you how I feel. If you ask me , I'm scared of what feels. These values that I have a sip would break will break me free. This love you give me is transcending floating zoo Amazon. Give me time to come to you. Do how I feel. If you ask me , I'm very scared. 5 minutes. Give me time to come to do how I feel. If you ask me. Believe me , you. We feel great trying to convey all these feelings that we have craving to portray this love , this whole thing. We can go with our minds. They ? Looking for. You and me.
S1: Thanks for stopping in. The Parker Edison Project is produced and hosted by yours truly , Parker Edison and the Good People at Platform Collection. Be sure to subscribe and catch the next episode on Apple , Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. If you have any comments or questions , visit the Parker Edison Project dot com or hit us on Instagram at the P project. My guide , Kurt CONAN , is audio production manager. Lisa J. Morrissette is operations manager and John Decker is Associate General Manager for content. This programming is made possible in part by the KPBS Xplore Content Fund. Hello. Saying that because it reminds me of Sesame Street. Y'all stay safe out there.