One of my favorite bonkers displays of the year is the National Costume Show at the Miss Universe pageant. I don't watch the pageant, I don't care who wins, I don't think any of the countries are funny, I don't think any of the cultural references in the outfits are funny, but the costumes are hysterical, and this is basically the joyful, glittering, headpiece-wearing Olympics Of Gaudy Excess, and I could not be more on board. The captions have all the info you could ever need and then some.
This is certainly nothing close to all the getups, but it is some of my favorites. Please enjoy this slideshow, and please look at it full screen. They've earned that.
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1 of
Chanel Beckenlehner, Miss Canada 2014. This is the one that's been getting all the press. Drink it in, people. The scoreboard is attached.
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Valentina Ferrer, Miss Argentina. Argentina always has its feathers in order for this event. Always.
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Digene Zimmerman, Miss Aruba. Aruba. I envision her saying, "Hey, my eyes are up here. And then there are even more eyes up there!"
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4 of
Tegan Martin, Miss Australia 2014. The National Costume Show is great for requiring you to keep two thoughts in your head at the same time. In this case, "This makes me uncomfortable in re: cultural appropriation, maybe?" and also "She looks a little like a turkey."
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5 of
Josefin Donat, Miss Germany. Josefin is dressed here, I believe, as the graffiti-covered Berlin wall. With some balloons. Maybe a reference to this?
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Josefin Donat, Miss Germany 2014. Here she is after the wall falls! I think! If I am understanding her costumal metaphor!
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Tomii Culmer, Miss Bahamas 2014. Miss Bahamas would like to remind you that not everyone could pull off this look.
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Paulina Vega, Miss Colombia 2014. I would like to give her props for this outfit. Wait, she already has props! I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
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Gabriela Frankova, Miss Czech Republic 2014. Some might call this impractical, but only if they haven't really, really needed to figure out how to smuggle a giant taco into the Miss Universe pageant.
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Kimberly Castillo, Miss Dominican Republic 2014. Just a reminder: This is still from the Miss Universe pageant. It's parallel to a hockey costume.
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Jaynene Jno Lewis, Miss British Virgin Islands 2014. Lamp-tastic!
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Melissa Gurgel, Miss Brazil 2014. And the call went out across Brazil: "SOMEONE ELSE'S FEATHERS ARE IN THE SHOT."
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13 of
Grace Levy, Miss Great Britain 2014. I really wanted this to be a Beefeater outfit, so that we could all sing "Whoa-oh here she comes" together, but this isn't Beefeaters, that's the other thing. I'm so disappointed. Whatever. She's cute.
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14 of
Niketa Barker, Miss Guyana 2014. It's killing me not to know what's happening here. KILLING ME.
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Lisa Madden, Miss Ireland 2014. It took a surprisingly long time for me to realize that this look was reminding me of Battlefield Earth.
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Yomatsy Hazlewood, Miss Panama 2014. (Note: I think this is awesome and everyone should have one. Just my personal bias.)
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Jimena Espinosa, Miss Peru 2014. This was originally labeled as Miss Norway by the pageant people, which made the vulture much more confusing. Peru indeed has vultures/condors, and this dress has one, too.
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18 of
Yoo Yebin, Miss Korea 2014. This is another actually pretty one, which is maybe cheating? I'd have to read the rules.
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19 of
Marcela Chmielowska, Miss Poland 2014. This is very cute, and inspires me to want to buy potholders.
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20 of
Rathi Menon, Miss Singapore 2014. There is a joy in this outfit that I think can only come from knowing you are strapped to a huge amount of pointy wire.
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Zoe Metthez, Miss Switzerland 2014. Little on the nose, Switzy. You're competing with hockey sticks.
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Nia Sanchez, Miss USA 2014. Here's what I imagine: "So if that's the Atlantic and this is the Pacific, Toledo would be right here."
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Migbelis Castellanos, Miss Venezuela 2014. Venezuela would like to politely inform you that YELLOOOOOOWWWWWW!
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