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Zombie Strippers: FInal Round

By Eric Wilson

Wow... I think. I can honestly say I've never seen a movie quite like this before. It had zombies. It had strippers. It had Zombie Strippers! (Now playing exclusively at Pacific Gaslamp Theaters.)

Set in the near future, President Bush just got elected for his fourth term. He dismissed congress. He went to war with Iraq and Afghanistan as well as Iran, Canada, and Alaska. And he sent scientists on a mission to develop a zombie gene so soldiers killed in battle can pop back up and keep on fighting. He has also banned any form of public nudity, which has created underground "strip-easies."

During a training exercise, a special "anti-zombie" team is told to do something, which actually won't work. Unknown to the other members, their newest recruit is bitten by a zombie and runs away to keep from being killed. He stumbles into a strip club and, after about 15 minutes of stripping, bites the star stripper, Kat (Jenna Jameson), in the throat. She dies, then reanimates... with an increased energy for stripping and a craving for flesh.

She puts on a show, and then chooses a victim for a "private show," which ends with another zombie being created. It turns out that the zombie virus runs along the X chromosome, so women are given super powers and men are turned into the classic zombies.

One by one the other strippers [including Roxy Saint pictured above left] beg to be turned into zombies for "performance boosts," and more and more customers become prey. Eventually the cellar full of zombies is released, and it turns into a giant slaughter by zombies. During this time there is a topless zombie stripper fight in which Kat fires ping-pong balls and billiard balls at her rival from her "woo-ha."

With a few humans left hiding, naturally the Special Forces team enters the club to battle the zombies. They then discover that the zombie virus was intended to get out and infect civilians in order to "draw attention from the economy and foreign matters."

I honestly don't know if it was intended to be a strict parody or if it was just that poorly acted, but it was hilarious. Many of the gunshots didn't synch right, the lines were badly delivered (maybe they were rehearsed to sound poorly acted), and the plot was... incredibly unique. If you don't mind seeing A LOT of topless women and want to see something hilarious, I'd recommend Zombie Strippers (rated R). However, some scenes may disturb you, and always remember: It is impossible to un-see something.

-- Eric Wilson is a senior attending Mount Miguel High. He's a big fan of fantasy and adventure, and spends a lot of his free time playing World of Warcraft and Dungeons and Dragons. He also enjoys spending time at Balboa Park, wandering the nature trails or messing around at the archery range. Although he has wanted to be an architect or engineer, he would love to be able to get paid to review movies and he hopes this experience might help him get his foot in the door.

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