This year, the Warrior Kids Series (WKS), a three-part program designed to help kids deal with their dad or mom being deployed, was launched by Marine Corps Family Team Building at Camp Pendleton. The series includes Kids and Deployment, Kids In the Midst, and Kids and Reunion. Each workshop was created to follow children ages 5-12 and their so-called 'remain-behind' parent through the emotional and often difficult cycle of deployment. WKS has partnered with FOCUS Project (Families OverComing Under Stress) to assist in facilitating the series and help families deal with a wide variety of aspects of deployment of a loved one.
One family that has been through the entire program says it has been tremendously helpful. Allana Tobias, whose husband is 1st Sgt. Rudy Tobias, a Pendleton-based Marine currently deployed in Afghanistan's Helmand province as a member of the 1st Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion (1st LAR), and their son Joshua have attended all three workshops within the series.
"My husband has been deployed to Afghanistan for seven months and has been in the military 20 years. He's been on three deployments," says Allana. "Each and every deployment is different. For my child, the first deployment for our son was very easy for him. He was six years old and missed daddy very much but didn't act any differently. This deployment has been extremely hard on him. He's typically a very well behaved child with no emotional issues. This deployment, he cries a lot and has a great deal of anger built up that he does not know how to control or express. He takes all of his frustrations out on me, his Mom. In a way it's good because I would rather it be me than a teacher or another child but it can be exhausting."
Allana says that outside of the workshop setting, Joshua doesn't talk openly about his dad very much. "Occasionally he will talk about missing him and we read books and I try to leave it open for him to ask questions but he would rather not discuss it," she says. "We have tried numerous routes for him to talk, to express his anger while Dad has been gone, but all have been unsuccessful so far."
As far as Joshua fearing that his dad might be killed or wounded in Afghanistan, his mom says, "He did at first right after my husband left for deployment. He kept asking why he needed that big gun if he was going to be safe. After my reassurance, he stopped asking after a few days. During the first deployment he had a classmate whose father was burned during a tour in Iraq. After seeing the Marine, Josh asked a couple of times if that was going to happen to his father."
According to Allana, Joshua has taken part in numerous family programs throughout Camp Pendleton during each deployment. But he hasn't bonded with other kids too much in terms of sharing stories about their dads or moms who are deployed. "To my knowledge, beyond the classes we have taken here he doesn't talk to other kids about his Daddy being deployed," she explains. "He's a fairly quiet child. But he enjoys the classes he attends, he like the workshop classes. I always give him the option of going, and he always wants to attend more. He seems to really enjoy the activities they complete in the classes. He is always very proud of his work he brings home."
Last year, she says, Joshua made a heart cut into two pieces and decorated each side. He mailed half to his dad and kept the other half here at the house. On homecoming day, he ran into his father's arms and each of them pulled out their hearts and connected them. "It was one of my favorite homecoming pictures," Allana says
Joshua, who was characteristically quiet when I asked him some of the things he is hoping to get out of the family programs at Cap Pendleton, said, "To understand why my Dad is gone and not miss him so much. I like learning about the Marines and I liked decorating boxes to mail to him, and I loved the cake-cutting ceremony (at the conclusion of Kids in the Midst, the second part of the series)."
For questions regarding the "Warrior Kids Series" or to sign up, call 760-725-9052.
