Speaker 1: 00:00 Four days now we've seen the horrible images of the death of George Floyd. His neck held under a white police officers knee. The video of the incident has been replayed over and over again. But the day to day grind of racism is also replayed over and over again in the lives of African-Americans. Here's the story of that experience from one black man in San Diego. Speaker 2: 00:24 My name is Jordan Carroll. I'm 33 years old, born and raised in San Diego, grew up in the university city area. I'm right now I'm living in mission Valley and I work at a local nonprofit health organization. At this point in my life. I feel that my emotional reserves have been spent in an exhausted, and I think this is from just witnessing incidents like these, my entire life and having it personally affect me as a black man. So the only thing that actually has been left inside of me is apathy. And I believe it's actually a coping mechanism to protect me from breaking down in anger or depression, the way some other people have. And I've actually spoken with several other friends of mine, black friends of mine who feel the same way they've reached this mental breaking point. Speaker 3: 01:32 [inaudible] Speaker 4: 01:32 my parents let me know from early, early age, probably around seven or eight years old, they let me know that there are people out there that wish me harm just due to the color of my skin. So that knowledge instilled a sense of hypervigilance within me that I've carried my entire life. Speaker 3: 02:05 [inaudible] Speaker 4: 02:05 most, even my friends don't know about the instances of racism that I've experienced in my life. I don't, I don't talk about it very much because it Speaker 2: 02:15 it's negativity. I'd rather just not discuss that, um, very often, but, uh, they also don't understand just the, the daily grind, if you will, of, uh, being a black person in America, especially in San Diego, because we're even a minority in San Diego at 6% of the population. So they don't know how I kind of have to present myself constantly in a certain light in order to prove myself to the public or, you know, employers or store owners, things of that nature. I never discussed that. Speaker 2: 03:01 One thing that people, especially at work asks me all the time is why I'm always wearing suits. My, my position doesn't require me to wear a suit. It just has to be business casual, but I decide to wear a full on suit and tie. The stereotype is that, uh, black people are less intelligent. So to combat the stereotype, I present myself in the best light possible. I want everyone to know that I'm educated and a professional, having a suit on kind of, it's basically not only to prove myself to them, but also, uh, to make them feel more comfortable around me. I'm not talking about just in the workplace. I'm talking about just in the general public, I am six foot, six feet tall. I am 230 pounds. I am a black man, but I'm not wearing the clothing that the general public associates with being a menace or a threat. So it's, it's kind of for my own safety. Speaker 4: 04:23 It's so bad right now that, um, my mother worries about me walking around at night. Not because she's worried about me getting mugged or assaulted by someone who wants my money or anything like that. She's worried that somebody will report a core suspicious, large black male on the premises. And that can go South very, very quickly. Speaker 3: 04:54 [inaudible] Speaker 4: 04:54 realistically, I know it's going to take work. I know work takes time, but as of right now, I still have this sense of hope just because I'm seeing what the public is doing right now around the world. I have hope this first person feature was produced by Alison st. John.