Ciara

S1: This podcast contains discussion of suicide and domestic abuse. We discuss opinions expressed by others. We at KPBS don't endorse those opinions. No one has been charged with a crime relating to Sierra Estrada's death , and we don't intend to imply that anyone should be charged or engaged in wrongdoing.

S2: Get off of me. Never.

S1: This is San Diego police officer Sierra Estrada playing with her beagle , Trevor. She took this video in December 2017 , her last month alive. She was 25 years old. On New Year's Eve. She went to her older sister's house. They put waves in her long hair , painted her lips red to match her floor length sparkling dress hung fake diamonds in her ears. Her parents stopped by. She said she'd see them the next weekend. She headed to a party at the Hilton Hotel overlooking the bay. Photos taken around 10 p.m. show her smiling. Radiant. The next day , her fellow officers found her in that dress on her bathroom floor with a bullet hole between her eyes. Her service gun was in her lap. A fired bullet casing was still lodged inside. Soot marked a finger on each hand. San Diego police investigated her death themselves. Almost immediately , they called it a suicide. I'm Katie Hyson. I report on racial justice and social equity for KPBS News in San Diego. And this is one of their own. It doesn't appear. Local news outlets ever reported her death. But Sierra grabbed the world's attention when she was alive. A video of her went viral in 16. 8.5 million views on YouTube alone. The video is just Ciara doing her job.

S3: Somebody inside said , you're out here panhandling. I am , but I am not aggressively panhandling , so I don't think I'm breaking any laws. You're not.

S1: It's titled finally a Nice Cop.

S4: What's your name ? Set. Set.

S1: It was posted by a man the nearby business called to complain about.

S4: You have every right to be here. Um. I mean , just make sure you're not obstructing the sidewalk. Of course , you know , some people are just a little intimidated. I'm just gonna take some of your info down. Sure.

S3: Can you get my ID out for you ? Perfect.

S4: Yeah , if you have that.

S1: He was struck by the way she treated him.

S3: The female cops are always much nicer. And I've been taping asshole cops for the past week. And you're the first person who was nice. Yeah.

S4: Yeah. I mean , unfortunately , we can't all like police the same way. It's all discretion and all. You know , for me , talking to people is a big thing. And the way you talk to people is a big thing.

S3: So people caught some cops don't realize.

S1: This simple video of Cierra received more attention than her sudden and complicated death. I'm telling you this story today because seven years later , I got an email from Sierra's mom. She reached out because she saw a story I wrote about a lawsuit. The lawsuit alleged domestic violence by a male San Diego police officer against the female officer he married , and it described a department culture that both enabled it and covered it up. In five years of reporting on this beat in San Diego and elsewhere. These kinds of complaints have become familiar to me. Police departments are expected to enforce the laws that keep our society Functioning , and they're given a lot of power to do that. But they're also real , flawed workplaces with conflicts and culture issues. And sometimes those flaws collide with that power , especially when they investigate one of their own. In this podcast , I explore Sierra's story and SPD's investigation of her death. How did they reach their conclusions ? Did they dig deep enough ? Would they have handled it differently if the people involved weren't their coworkers ? These questions have haunted Sierra's mother. She says Sierra's story the real story was never told. Her family wasn't up for talking to reporters in the shock that followed. But now they're ready. So on a clear April day , I make the hour drive north to Marietta to meet them. When I arrive , Sierra's father waves me into the driveway.

S3:

S5: Nice to meet you.

S1: Larry is retired military. It shows in his posture.

S2: How do you read it ? Hi.

S5: Nice to meet you.

S1: Sierra's mother , Julie , is about half Larry's height and twice as loud. Their house is covered in Easter decorations. Yeah.

S6: Yeah. The holidays were so special to her. It was everything. You know.

S1: Her meaning ? Sierra. She's there too. Among all the eggs and rabbits and symbols of new life are reminders of her death. Larger than life sized portraits of her hanging above our heads.

S7: You look so much like her. Oh.

S6: Oh.

S2: Thank you. Look. Thank you.

S6:

S1: Big eyes and wide cheekbones. One portrait of Sierra hangs in a circle with her three siblings , an older brother and sister , and a younger sister.

S8: My oldest daughter and my youngest daughter are water and oil. Sierra was the mediator and and all the family. She could always make anybody see the other side. Cheyenne.

S1: Cheyenne. The youngest is here too. She's 31 now. Older than her older sister would ever be.

S9: People at New Sierra , they say me and her talk alike. Laugh. Um. Laugh. Similar or look alike ? Yeah.

S6: Every time she laughs , I'm like , oh my God , yeah.

S1: Cheyenne and Sierra grew up together , took baths together as kids. They shared a bedroom. Years of falling asleep to nighttime chit chat and back scratches. Sierra taught Cheyenne how to drive on the freeway a secret from their mom.

S10: Yeah , we're the same zodiac sign , too , so that made it harder.

S9:

S10: We were definitely closer , though , than me and my older sister , so our relationship was really hard. Um , to lose her. Yeah. If I ever struggled in school , she'd be the first one to help me with work or anything or anything that I had trouble with going on. Sierra was the number one person who was there for me to help during any type of situation that I was going through. Um , yeah. So that's. We're really tight.

S9: What was the. You said you're both Aquarius , so. Yeah.

S10: We just we're not really like the the A life of the party people. Like if we ever went to a function , we're usually the quiet , the reserved , watching from afar. But we seem to make an impact on the people that we do interact with. And she was the kind of like a girls girl. She'd be , um , the person you'd call if you needed , um , a maid of honor. She was that , like , to anyone and everyone she met. So she would literally give you the shirt off her back to total strangers. So I don't think there was anything that she kept private. Like the way she was with her family was the same way she was out in the public. Very. Just like the girl you would want by your side through anything.

S1: Like any sisters , they fought.

S10:

S11:

S10: Would you get.

S11:

S10: With memories , they start to fade. But , um , I don't know , like movies. So she used to love to stay up late and pull , um , like , all nighters. So she just like to stay up the whole entire night. And if I was like , I can't do it anymore , I have to go to sleep. She'd be like , oh my God , come on. Don't leave me hanging.

S1: Memories fade , but reminders cover the home. Sierra's locker door from the precinct's changing room hangs in the garage. It's covered in messages from her fellow officers.

S12: Truly a beautiful spirit. I will miss trying to save the world with you , but I will always cherish our friendship forever.

S1: Your partner in one corner of the garage , child sized handprints are pressed into the cement floor Sierras. It's a small thing that makes the house feel impossible to sell. Her parents still have her wallet. With cash inside. They can't bring themselves to spend. And an expired coupon. upon Sierra was thrifty.

S10: So like a mason jar glass that's going to be used for Q-tips or a candle glass that's clear. Like , I can use this to hold hair ties and nail polishes.

S13: So she saved all her t shirts or jerseys , even ones when she was like in fifth grade. Crazy.

S6: Crazy.

S13: Softball or something , right ? Or her clothes went from an apartment basically into a tote. And then so when you open a tote up , you basically smell her.

S1: A quilt made of her t shirts covers an entire wall in a room downstairs. It's a patchwork of an active , varied life.

S13: She wanted to try choir. She wanted to go out to be a cheerleader , but she wanted to try softball. But she wanted to try soccer , so she wanted to be in the military. She went to the Coast Guard Academy prep school.

S6: She went to Hell Week at the coast.

S13: She did did ROTC in high school and was in a leadership position there.

S6: The commanding second in command.

S13: So high school when she went to San Diego State in her freshman year. She's told us she's a mom. Dad. Hey , there's this , uh , opportunity to be on the rowing team.

S14: I mean , she's never rowing. That's a pretty tough sport.

S1: Her mom shows me a photo of Sierra's hands after a crew race. They're covered in open wounds and blisters. She demanded a lot of herself. I find more evidence of this in her high school scrapbook.

S10:

S11:

S10: I don't know what that would mean.

S2: Why would you write.

S11: That hard on herself ? Yeah.

S1: The scrapbook is a time capsule of the arts. Sierra was just months younger than me , so these photos I've never seen are familiar. Angled down on the side bangs and skinny jeans and raccoon eyeliner. The pages are filled with Twilight and Chris Brown notes between friends and inside jokes.

S11: This is addressed to Miss Shakira Estrada , living at 32. My hips don't lie. Court.

S2: Oh my God , you're a soprano. Matthew.

S10: That's hysterical. Shakira.

S2: Shakira.

S6: Oh my God.

S1: Her head seemed tight on her shoulders for someone so young. Her family says she wasn't a drinker in college. She took care of the girls who were cleaned up their throw up and made sure they got home safe. According to her family , her biggest vice might have been Monster Energy drinks.

S6: But she was obsessed with those like , I fire cases and monsters , right ? You know.

S10: She , like , needed those. Those were like , a necessity.

S6: I fetch breakfast burritos for her when she'd come home.

S1: She didn't date in school. She meticulously planned her workouts. The documents folder on her laptop is filled with motivational quotes to print out like. It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not. Sierra had wanted to follow in her dad's footsteps.

S13: She wanted to kind of lean in the military. I tried to convince her not to go enlisted. She was. She was a terrible test taker. Even though she graduated cum laude , she just couldn't take standardized tests. So anyway , she , uh , got talked to by somebody at San Diego State , and they tried to go , uh , be a police officer.

S1: So instead of the military , she joined the police academy. It didn't surprise anyone in the family. It was on brand for Sierra. The academy was demanding and physical. She showed her family bruises from their wrestling matches.

S13: You have to beat each other up. It's called. Five.

S2: Five.

S13: Year shooting driving the academics. I knew she was getting good way.

S2: She did. Good.

S13: Good. But it's fight for your life where you're basically you're hand-to-hand combat with an instructor and he's and it's called fight for your life. So if you're ever in a struggle and the guy's going for your gun and you're wrestling each other on the ground , you have to come out the winner and.

S6: You got.

S13: It , or you're. Dead.

S6: Dead. You have to show the other officers at the academy teaching that you have what it takes.

S1: As I'm trying to understand more about who Sierra was. Cheyenne says.

S10: I think a lot of people out there already know about her just from that video. I don't think there's anything that people would need to know more about her , because that video just shows all her character of who she was , an Earth angel.

S1: Her family says they didn't see any warning signs for suicide.

S13: You know , she just moved to a new apartment. She was so happy to move in and be on her own and decorating the apartment and getting groceries that day , that weekend. Uh , so these were weren't traditional signs of someone who is grocery , someone who was not thinking of the future. She was she was thinking of the future. Yeah. Um. She left. No , there was no. Note.

S2: Note.

S6: Before she died. She. And then was grocery shopping. Uh.

S15: Uh.

S1: The story continues after the break. The San Diego police investigated Sierra's death and closed the case. But for her family , it's still wide open for us.

S13: For me , it's. It's January 1st all the time holiday. It's always January 1st , 2018. Because , like , by today , I mean , it's not your fault , but it's. It's always the time doesn't move on past that date.

S1: In their living room They put on the DVD slideshow that played at Sierra's funeral. For the first time during my visit to the Estrada's house. It goes quiet. We watch 25 years. Flick by and minutes , Halloween costumes and a first communion dress and a graduation cap. Sierra grows taller. Blond highlights appear in her hair. Then it slicked back into a tight bun. A badge appears on her chest. The photos stop , but her mom thinks her spirit goes on.

S6: She's still doing it from beyond. You know , being a good Samaritan and humanitarian from beyond the grave. You know , her soul was going through me , telling me , mom , do this , do that.

S1: Julie believes Sierra sends her strangers to help.

S6: She says.

S1: She hears the footsteps of her ghost upstairs.

S6: Because we can hear him walking.

S1: She visits mediums who give her all the answers the police never did.

S6: Maybe her presence sees her.

S1: But she sees signs everywhere.

S6: Kept pulling me to this area.

S1: In numbers and nature. She shows me a large vase and Ziploc bags full of bird feathers.

S6: Since the air is done , the angels have left me feathers.

S2: Oh my gosh , that's a lot.

S1: Larry , who is not sold on angels or ghosts or mediums , offers another explanation for finding feathers.

S13: We walk the dogs.

S1: Julie is undeterred. Maybe , she says , Sierra Spirit is at the table with us right now.

S6: They know everything about us. Everything you were doing , I'm sure Sierra is sitting right here. Thanks for showing up , Sierra.

S1: She believes Sierra is invested in their quest for answers and justice because she doesn't believe Sierra killed herself.

S6: I will tell you flat out to your face. And anybody that my daughter did not kill herself. She did not kill herself.

S1: Sierra worked hard to keep her life in order. But no one's life is as simple as they plan.

S6: You don't know what Sierra went through the week before she died. She broke up with Eric.

S1: Next time , on one of their own , we look at Sierra's complicated reality with her boyfriend , another San Diego police officer.

S16: She had so much , like , optimism and so much like like she was living for the future. But I do know that that relationship kind of tore her down.

S1: If you or someone you know have thoughts of suicide or need emotional support , please call or text 988. Help is available 24 over seven. One of their own is produced by me , Katie Hyson and edited by David Washburn , with support from Elizabeth Hames. Mix and sound design by Emily Jankowski.