Ciara

This podcast contains discussion of suicide and domestic abuse.

We discuss opinions expressed by others. We at KPBS don't endorse those opinions. No one has been charged with a crime relating to Ciara Estrada's death, and we don't intend to imply that anyone should be charged or engaged in wrongdoing.

TREVOR.wav :24

[laughter] Get off of me! [dog play growling, more laughing]

This is San Diego police officer Ciara Estrada . . .

Stop! Trevor, stop! [laughing, barking]

… playing with her beagle, Trevor . . .

Get off me! Get off of me! [woof]

She took this video in December 20-17. Her last month alive. She was 25 years old.

*fade out*

On New Year’s Eve, she went to her older sister’s house. They put waves in her long hair. Painted her lips red to match her floor-length sparkling dress. Hung fake diamonds in her ears.

Her parents stopped by. She said she’d see them the next weekend.

She headed to a party at the Hilton hotel overlooking the bay.

Photos taken around 10 p.m. show her smiling. Radiant.

The next day, her fellow officers found her in that dress, on her bathroom floor, with a bullet hole between her eyes.

Her gun was in her lap. A fired bullet casing was still lodged inside. Soot marked a finger on each hand.

San Diego police investigated her death themselves. Almost immediately, they called it a suicide.

I’m Katie Hyson.

I report on racial justice and social equity for KPBS News in San Diego.

And this is One of Their Own.

MIDROLL 1

It doesn’t appear local news outlets ever reported her death. But Ciara grabbed the world’s attention when she was alive.

A video of her went viral in 20-16. 8 and a half million views on Youtube alone.

The video is just Ciara doing her job.

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C: I’m just letting you know I’m here, ‘cause somebody inside said you were out here panhandling.

S: I am, but I’m not aggressively panhandling so I don’t think I’m breaking any laws.

C: You’re not.

It’s titled “Finally, a NICE cop.”

NICE2.wav

C: What’s your name? 

S: Seth.

C: Seth? So, I guess they had some complaints . . . 

S: I’m pretty sure he made that up . . .

It was posted by a man the nearby business called to complain about.

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C: Well, you know, that’s alright. You have every right to be here.

S: Thank you.

C: Just make sure you’re not obstructing the sidewalk –

S: Of course.

C:  – and give you people a nice little walkway here to walk by –

S: Course.

C: because you know, some people are just a little intimidated –

S: Mhm.

C: – that’s all. To each their own. I’m just going to take some of your info down, OK? It’s not a ticket, nothing like that.

S: Sure, no problem. You need me to get my ID out for you?

C: Perfect! Yeah, if you have that!

He was struck by the way she treated him.

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S: Well thank you for proving my daughter’s point. She said that the female cops are always much nicer. And I’ve been taping asshole cops for the past week, and you’re the first person who was nice. And you’re also the first female we’ve dealt with. So thank you. I’m gonna show her this video, tell her she was right.

[C laughs]

C: Unfortunately, we can’t all police the same way. It’s all discretion. It’s all, you know – for me, talking to people is a big thing. And the way you talk to people is a big thing, so.

S: People, some cops don’t realize if you escalate, it escalates it –

C: Yeah.

S: And if you don’t, it doesn’t.

*fade traffic out*

This simple video of Ciara received more attention than her sudden and complicated death.

I’m telling you this story today because seven years later . . . I got an email from Ciara’s mom.

She reached out because she saw a story I wrote about a lawsuit. The lawsuit alleged domestic violence by a male San Diego police officer against the female officer he married. And it described a department culture that both enabled it and covered it up.

In five years of reporting on this beat in San Diego and elsewhere, these kinds of complaints have become familiar to me.

Police departments are expected to enforce the laws that keep our society functioning. And they’re given a lot of power to do that. But they’re also real, flawed workplaces with conflicts and culture issues.

And sometimes those flaws collide with that power. Especially when they investigate one of their own.

In this podcast, I explore Ciara’s story and SDPD’s investigation of her death.

How did they reach their conclusions? Did they dig deep enough? Would they have handled it differently if the people involved weren’t their coworkers?

These questions have haunted Ciara’s mother.

She says Ciara’s story – the real story – was never told.

Her family wasn’t up for talking to reporters in the shock that followed.

But now, they’re ready.

So on a clear April day, I make the hour drive north to Murrieta to meet them.

When I arrive, Ciara’s father waves me into the driveway.

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*fade in – car door shutting, dogs barking, walking up*

L: Hey, I’m Larry.

K: I'm Katie. Nice to meet you.

Larry is retired military. It shows in his posture.

J: Katie, you made it!

K: Hi!

J: You made it!

K: Nice to meet you.

Ciara’s mother, Julie, is about half Larry’s height, and twice as loud.

*fade under* J: Hey, hey, Gypsy!

Their house is covered in Easter decorations.

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J: Yeah, the holidays were so special to her. It was everything.

Her, meaning Ciara. She’s there, too.

Among all the eggs and rabbits and symbols of new life are reminders of her death.

Larger-than-life-size portraits of her hang above our heads.

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K: You look so much like her.

J: Oh, thank you. Thank you. *fade out* You know what, my daughters are all like – you know what, I don’t think any of my kids look alike?

Ciara and her mother share the same brown hair, big eyes and wide cheekbones.

One portrait of Ciara hangs in a circle with her three siblings. An older brother and sister, and a younger sister.

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J: My oldest daughter and my youngest daughter are water and oil. Ciara was the mediator in all the family. She could always make anybody see the other side.

Cheyenne, the youngest, is here too. She’s 31 now. Older than her older sister would ever be.

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CH: People that knew Ciara, they say me and her talk alike, laugh similar, or look alike.

J: Yeah. Every time she laughs, I'm like, oh, my God, it’s Ciara [CH laughs] 

Cheyenne and Ciara grew up together. Took baths together as kids. They shared a bedroom, years of falling asleep to night-time chit chat and back scratches.

Ciara taught Cheyenne how to drive on the freeway – a secret from their mom.

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CH: Yeah, we're the same zodiac sign, too, so that made it harder.

K: What zodiac sign?

CH: We're both Aquarius.

We were definitely closer, though, than me and my older sister. So our relationship was really hard to lose her.

K: Yeah.

CH: If I ever struggled in school, she'd be the first one to help me. With work or anything that I had trouble with going on, Ciara was the number one person who was there for me to help during any type of situation that I was going through.

K: Hm.

CH: Yeah. So that’s – we were really tight.

*sniffles*

K: What was the – you said you were both Aquarius, so –

CH: Yeah *chuckles*

K: What's the vibe? What's the personality?

CH: *sniffling* We're not really the life of the party people. If we ever went to a function, we're usually the quiet, the reserved, watching from afar. 

But we seem to make an impact on the people that we do interact with.

She was kinda like a girl’s girl. She'd be the person you'd call if you needed um, a maid of honor. She was that, like, to anyone and everyone she met. 

K: Hm.

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CH: She would literally give you the shirt off her back to total strangers. So I don't think there was anything that she kept private. The way she was with her family was the same way she was out in the public. Very, just, like the girl you would want by your side through anything.

Like any sisters, they fought.

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K: Like, what kinds of things would you get into it over?

CH: *laughs* It's so sad with memories. They start to fade. But I don't know, like, movies. So she used to love to stay up late and pull all-nighters. So she just liked to stay up the whole entire night. And if I was like, ‘I can't do it anymore. I have to go to sleep.’ She'd be like, ‘Oh my God, come on. Don't leave me hanging.’ 

Memories fade. But reminders cover the home.

Ciara’s locker door from the precinct’s changing room hangs in the garage. It’s covered in messages from her fellow officers.

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K (reading): Truly a beautiful spirit. Will miss trying to save the world with you, but will always cherish our friendship, forever your partner . . . 

In one corner of the garage, child-sized handprints are pressed into the cement floor. Ciara’s.

It’s a small thing that makes the house feel impossible to sell.

Her parents still have her wallet, with cash inside they can’t bring themselves to spend, and an expired coupon.

Ciara was thrifty.

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CH: So like a Mason jar glass, that's going to be used for Q-tips. Or a candle glass that's clear. ‘I can use this, I can use this to hold hair ties and nail polishes.’

L: So she saved all her T-shirts or jerseys, even ones when she was in fifth grade softball or something.

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L:All her clothes went from her apartment basically into a tote. And then so when you open the tote up, you basically smell her.

A quilt made of her T-shirts covers an entire wall in a room downstairs.

It’s a patchwork of an active, varied life.

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L: She wanted to try choir. She wanted to be a cheerleader, but she wanted to try softball. But she wanted to try soccer. So she wanted to be in the military. She went to the Coast Guard Academy Prep School –

J: She went to Hell Week. She went to Hell Week at the Coast Guard Academy, Connecticut.

L: – She did ROTC in high school, was in a leadership position there –

J: She was the second command in high school –

L: – Right, so when she went to San Diego State in her freshman year, she told us, ‘Mom, Dad, hey, there's this opportunity to be on the rowing team.’ I said, ‘Rowing? The only boat you've ever been on is at the beach! I mean, rowing, that’s a pretty tough sport!’

Her mom shows me a photo of Ciara’s hands after a crew race.

They’re covered in open wounds and blisters.

She demanded a lot of herself.

I find more evidence of this in her high school scrapbook.

E-2-3-1.wav :13

K: What is this first line? ‘I was not one to accomplish much in elementary school.’

[family laughter]

CH: I don't know what that would mean. Why would she write that?

K: She's really hard on herself.

CH: Yeah.

The scrapbook is a time capsule of the ‘aughts. Ciara was just months younger than me. So these photos I’ve never seen are familiar. Angled down onto side bangs and skinny jeans and racoon eyeliner.

The pages are filled with Twilight and Chris Brown, notes between friends and inside jokes.

E-2-3-2.wav :15

K: This is addressed to Ms. Shakira Estrada. Living at 32, My Hips Don't Lie, Court.

*Family chatter/laughter*

J: Oh, my God. That's hysterical. Shakira. Oh, my God. 

Her head seemed tight on her shoulders for someone so young.

Her family says she wasn’t a drinker in college. She took care of the girls who were. Cleaned up their throw up and made sure they got home safe.

According to her family, her biggest vice might have been Monster energy drinks.

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J: She was obsessed with those. I'd buy her cases of Monsters.

CH: Right. She needed those. Those were a necessity.

*fade under – I’d buy breakfast burritos for her when she’d come home . . . *

She didn’t date in school.

She meticulously planned her workouts.

The documents folder on her laptop is filled with motivational quotes to print out.

Like: “It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.”

Ciara had wanted to follow in her dad’s footsteps.

E-1-0-6.wav :23

L: She wanted to kind of lean in the military. I tried to convince her not to go enlisted. She was a terrible test taker, even though she graduated cum laude–

J: Smart. Very smart, yeah –

L: – She just couldn't take standardized tests. Anyway, she got talked to by somebody at San Diego State –

J: He was a track coach.

L: He tried to get her to go be a police officer.

So instead of the military, she joined the police academy.

It didn’t surprise anyone in the family. It was on brand for Ciara. The academy was demanding and physical.

She showed her family bruises from their wrestling matches.

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L: You have to beat each other up. It's called fight for your life. So shooting, driving, the academics, I knew she would get through all that.

J: She did! She blew it away! She did good!

L: But it's fight for your life, where you're basically – you're in hand-to-hand combat with an instructor. And it's called fight for your life. So if you're ever in a struggle and the guy's going for your gun, and you're wrestling each other on the ground, you have to come out the winner or you’re dead.

J: You have to show the other officer at the academy teaching that you have what it takes.

As I’m trying to understand more about who Ciara was, Cheyenne says –

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CH: I think a lot of people out there already know about her just from that video. I don't think there's anything that people would need to know more about her because that video just shows all her character, who she was. An earth angel. 

Her family says they didn’t see any warning signs for suicide.

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L: You know, she had just moved to a new apartment. She was so happy to move in and be on her own and decorate the apartment, getting groceries that weekend. Uh, so these weren't traditional signs of someone who is not thinking of the future. She was thinking of the future. She left no... There was no . . .

J: Two nights before she died, she was grocery shopping.

MIDROLL 2

The San Diego police investigated Ciara’s death and closed the case.

But for her family, it’s still wide open.

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L: For us, for me, it's January first all the time. It's always January first, 2018, because, like today – it's not your fault, but it's always – the time doesn't move on past that date.

In their living room, they put on the DVD slideshow that played at Ciara’s funeral.

SOMEWHERE.wav *fade in and under ukulele version Somewhere Over the Rainbow* 

For the first time during my visit to the Estrada’s house, it goes quiet.

We watch 25 years flick by in minutes.

Halloween costumes and a first communion dress and a graduation cap.

Ciara grows taller. Blonde highlights appear in her hair.

Then, it’s slicked back into a tight bun. A badge appears on her chest.

The photos stop.

*abrupt fade out of song*

But her mom thinks her spirit goes on.

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J: She's still doing from beyond, being a good Samaritan and humanitarian from beyond the grave. Her soul is going through me, telling me, ‘Mom, do this, do that.’

Julie believes Ciara sends her strangers to help.

She hears the footsteps of her ghost upstairs.

She visits mediums, who give her all the answers the police never did.

She sees signs everywhere. In numbers and nature.

She shows me a large vase and ziploc bags full of bird feathers.

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J: Since Ciara’s died, the angels have left me feathers.

K: Oh my gosh, that's a lot. [CH laughs]

Larry, who is not sold on angels or ghosts or mediums, offers another explanation for finding feathers.

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L: We walk the dogs.

Julie is undeterred. Maybe, she says, Ciara’s spirit is at the table with us right now.

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They know everything about us, everything that we're doing. I'm sure Ciara is sitting right here. Thanks for showing up, Ciara. 

She believes Ciara is invested in their quest for answers and justice.

Because she doesn’t believe Ciara killed herself.

[music up]

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J: I will tell you flat out to your face and anybody that my daughter did not kill herself. She did not kill herself. 

Ciara worked hard to keep her life in order. But no one’s life is as simple as they plan.

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J: You don't know what Ciara went through the week before she died. She broke up with Eric.

Next time, on One of Their Own – we look at Ciara’s complicated reality with her boyfriend – another San Diego police officer.

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B: She had so much optimism and so much... She was living for the future. But I do know that that relationship tore her down.

If you or someone you know have thoughts of suicide or need emotional support, please call or text 9-8-8.

Help is available 24/7.

One of Their Own is produced by me, Katie Hyson, and edited by David Washburn with support from Elizabeth Hames. Mix and sound design by Emily Jankowski.