S1: Welcome in San Diego. It's Jade Hindman. On today's show , we sit down with author David Ambrose , who shares his experience of growing up in the foster care system and what he thinks could end the cycle of poverty for those aging out. This is KPBS Midday Edition. Connecting our communities through conversation. Across the country , hundreds and thousands of children are living in the foster care system. It's an experience David Ambrose knows very well. In his memoir , A Place Called Home , he recounts his experiences in and out of the poverty cycle , growing up homeless and later unprotected in the foster care system. In spite of these harrowing experiences , A Place Called Home is also a story about love , strength , and solutions. Today , David is a nationally recognized expert in child welfare and poverty. He joins me now to talk about his story and what can be done to address these crises moving forward. He'll also be at the San Diego Writers Festival this Saturday. And a warning to our listeners. The following conversation may include descriptions of violence and abuse. David , welcome to the show.
S2: Thank you so much. David.
S1: David.
S2: I have dropped my son off this morning at daycare. I have had a wonderful breakfast and I am at a nonprofit convening about child poverty , actually in Los Angeles today. So I feel I feel pretty fantastic today.
S1: I'm glad to hear that I am. I mean , I want to talk about your experiences because some of your earliest memories are of moving place to place , never settling in one place. So was there a moment when you realized that this wasn't a normal experience as a child.
S2: When I was about four. There's a moment that is burnt into my memory. We were living at Grand Central Station in New York City , and I was begging on the platform that morning , as we did most mornings. And we would beg in the mornings because people are generally more generous before they've had a bad day. And I remember this morning , because it was the first time the crowd just parted a few feet in front of me , not looking at me , and then came back together behind me. And it is the first moment I realized that I was invisible , and that these people would not care if my family died or disappeared , or that I even existed. And it was really a clarion wake up call in my early life that taught me I needed to do something different if I was going to survive. Hmm.
S1: Hmm. I mean , at the start of your book , you write about just feeling like you were at death's door at just four years old.
S2: We were homeless , and the cops and authorities would come through different locations where we sought shelter and clean us up. And through that , my family found itself Christmas Eve wandering New York City as the temperatures drop below zero. My mom , my two siblings , we were walking endlessly that night and it was the first night I recall feeling like I might die , and that was because of exposure. There were no places for homeless women and children , and we ended up living that night , at least because a shelter for men allowed us to come in and get out of the cold. But my mom went into a perpetual state of crisis and fugue because of her mental health issues , and we nearly didn't get that chance because of it. But that night , we survived because a man at a shelter who stood in the doorway between us and life and death let us in. And we did not that night die from cold. Hmm.
S1: Hmm. There are. There are angels everywhere. Um. Yeah.
S2: Yes , there.
S1: Are , there are. But let me ask you this because you mentioned your mother was dealing with mental illness.
S2: And we went from shelter to homelessness to homelessness , to shelter to just not having a place. Her crises kind of added up against each other , and she became more and more violent. There was a day , one summer when my mom really lost it , and she beat me quite severely. She not only beat me , but threw me down a flight of stairs and that wasn't it. She kept going , and I woke up in that moment , after that violence , after she did what she did , and I was bleeding and I was barely conscious. And I remember very clearly thinking that if I did not get out of this , she would kill me and I. From my earliest memories , I knew my mom was sick and I was able to love and care for her because she was sick. But regardless of that , I knew that if I was going to survive , I had to escape her.
S1: I'm so sorry you experienced that once you left. How you ended up in the foster care system. Tell me about that.
S2: I was told years later by my first social worker that I was the first kid , and the only kid in her 30 plus years that was excited to be detained into foster care. And I , of course I was excited. From homelessness to my mother's abuse , I thought I was saved. That was the thought I had until my very first placement , which was a congregate care , a kiddie jail for kids that were too violent for normal foster care , or in my case , because I had quickly been identified as being gay and therefore not able to be placed with normal foster homes. The violence inside those facilities , both by other youth but also by the staff and the attempt to make me not gay , was incredibly damaging and something that didn't work , but also , more importantly , gave me the fire to work for decades to ensure kids in foster care and delinquency are never going through reparative therapy.
S1: I imagine it can just take a lot out of you emotionally , really , to look back at these difficult memories and then put it all on paper.
S2: I look around today , and I see a world of folks that are numb , sleepwalking , and I realize how precious this all is and how quickly it can all go away and how precarious life truly is. And I look at the life that I led , and I know that it was , in a strange way , a gift. When I got to my late 30s , I realized that all of this was taking up so much space in my heart and my mind that I had so much shame as many people that experienced homelessness or violence of this sort do. Foster kids don't want to be identified as foster kids. It's not something that is a blessing or identified well , and I hid from all of it. I advocated , I did lots of work. Folks generally knew I was in foster care , but I realized that all of these stories , all of this pain , was still there and taking up so much of my mental space. So I decided to write it as a tool and a gift that I have been given. And I wanted to use it. And I hope that if you walk with young David and meet the kids that are in these systems , that folks might raise their hand , vote differently , act differently , do more. The process was cathartic and painful and beautiful and wonderful and drew me closer to my friends and family as I shared stuff that I had not shared with anyone , not even my therapist. Ultimately , it was both freeing and at the same time took a took a toll.
S1: Well , I mean , in your you're a father now yourself.
S2: He's on my mind. And I think about my mom and how mental illness robbed her of so much of the experiences that I get to have. And I think about the world she existed in with no resources , with three children. And then I think , what what would the system look like if I had to place my child in foster care ? What would it look like ? Who would be fostering ? What resources would they need ? And I realize how far we are from that system. And my son is a reminder that all of these kids , all 400 plus thousand of them , the 700,000 that passed through the system each year , are my son. And I have an obligation to never forget where I come from. Mhm.
S1: Mhm. You know , I want to know like what do you hope people take away from your experience. I mean you went from this violent experience in foster care to now building your own life. Talk about that gap there between that then and now.
S2: Child poverty is a choice that we are all making. We shrug our shoulders and we're cynical. We obsess over politics and DC , but are ignorant of who represents us on the council of the county or the state. When that is where the rubber hits the road for us , we learn complicated tools like our iPhone or tick tock , but we shrug when the ballot shows up and we can't figure out who are these judges. We have become civically , locally illiterate. And because of that , the kids in our communities suffer. We know the statistics for athletes , but we barely know the graduation rates from our local high schools. Our values don't match how we spend resources. I want us to realize our power. How I got here was I realized that , much like the matrix , when he thought to himself , I can fly that I could if I thought I could. And I took one hard step after another to do that. And that's how I do my advocacy. There are. Each year in LA , 750 kids becoming homeless out of foster care. What if we built a dorm at a community college instead of emancipating them to homelessness and hopelessness as I was ? What if kids actually could get a two year technical , vocational , or transfer degree ? We own the land. These are our children. These institutions are the workhorses of our education and society. We could build it each year. We could turn that font off. More than 50% of the homeless in the United States were in foster care. It's the highest correlation , not causation. We could end that. And much like the life that I led , it's one hard decision after another. But you do it because it's worth it. I was worth it. These kids are worth it.
S1: Once you aged out of the foster care system , what was the one thing that broke the cycle of poverty for you.
S2: Oh , goodness. That's a good question. I , I first would just say my mother generally , but more specifically , right when I emancipated at 1617 , I , I moved to Spain. And that is a story in the book. And when I got there , it really was jarring and eye opening , the way that a people lived differently from us. They don't have the homeless like we have. They don't have the same poverty that we have , because they have systems and a society that doesn't allow for it. And it was a wake up call that the world could be different. And I was blessed to live in the north of Spain with an amazing family and go to junior , essentially junior college and through that process really heal and continue the healing that I had had just a brief glimpse of with one particular foster family that was good and continue that on. I applied to Vassar College and I would attach these letters to my college applications , they said. Here's why I don't have that year of high school. Here's why I don't have that score. And here , by the way , is why I don't have $65 for your application fee. And I have to tell you , most of the schools sent back my materials. But one school , Vassar College , sent me back an acceptance letter and said , don't worry , we'll figure it out. And that that was the moment that the break from my earlier life to what became my future really happened. Wow.
S1: Wow.
S2: We have the best foster care system in our country's history right now , with all of the issues it has , with all of the problems , it's still the best we've ever had. We have the least number of kids failing out of the system than we've ever had. That's not to say there's not work to do , but what keeps me hopeful is we have made progress , and we need to make more and have that fierce , fiery urgency that these kids lives matter. But I am relentlessly optimistic and pragmatic. We are building a dorm in Los Angeles to house foster kids when they emancipate not because of magic , but because of hard community organizing and a vision for kids like me that were not disposable. Imagine if every city in California , major city , developed one dorm. We would end the pipeline to homelessness in California. You are more likely to die than go to community college when you leave foster care. If you are a girl , you are more likely to sex trafficked. We can make a different vision real.
S1: We sure can. I've been speaking with David Ambrose. He's an expert in child welfare and youth poverty , and his memoir is titled A Place Called Home. You can see him talk more about his story and advocacy at the San Diego Writers Festival this Saturday , March 28th. David , thank you so much for your time and for sharing your story.
S2: Thank you so much.
S1: That's our show for today.
S3: I'm your host , Jade Hindman. Thanks for tuning in to Midday Edition. Be sure to have a great day on purpose , everyone.
