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Ex-Fiancee Urges Filner To Submit Resignation

Says Sexually Explicit Messages To Other Women Led To Separation

The ex-fiancee of beleaguered San Diego Mayor Bob Filner says she ended her relationship with him because he became increasingly abusive toward her and began sending sexually explicit text messages to other women in her presence.

Aired 7/15/13 on KPBS News.

Bronwyn Ingram says Filner arranged dates with other women in her presence and yelled at her on recent Paris trip.

Filner standing next to his now ex-fiancee Bronwyn Ingram while being sworn in by California Controller John Chiang.

In a statement Sunday, Bronwyn Ingram told KPBS and inewsource she believes recent serious controversies, including the onslaught of sexual harassment allegations, have paralyzed the mayor's office and Filner should step down.

Ingram said she witnessed what she called a “severe deterioration in Bob’s ability to engage with anyone in a civil manner, myself included.” During a recent trip to Paris, she said, Filner screamed at her in public without provocation, among other “inappropriate and disrespectful acts.”

In the statement, Ingram went on to say that she made the "gut-wrenching decision" to break up with Filner after she said he recently started text messaging other women sexually explicit messages and set up dates in front of her.

She said, "given the circumstances, I obviously had no other choice."

Filner’s office did not respond Sunday to a request for comment.

Filner, 70, introduced Ingram, 48, as the “First Lady of San Diego” during his first news conference after his election as mayor last November. She made a name for herself by bringing together citizen volunteers called "Team First Lady" to address the needs of San Diego's 10,000 homeless people.

In a letter to her friends that became public July 8, Ingram said she was dissolving the team “given the devolvement of our personal relationship.”

In Sunday’s statement, Ingram said that without the mayor's pulpit, “my ability to help (the homeless) has become extremely limited.”

Ingram reiterated that she has no direct knowledge of the sexual harassment accusations against Filner that became public last week when concerned Filner supporters urged him to resign.

Special Feature Read the Backstory

All of the accusations, statements and apologies from the key players in the developing story about allegations of sexual harassment in Mayor Bob Filner's office and calls from former mayoral supporters for his resignation.

As to their personal relationship, Ingram said, “While I had heard rumors that he was engaging in sexual relationships with other women, I was never able to determine their validity. My focus has been on the work I was engaged in with the homeless population rather than tracking the sources of gossip.”

Bronwyn said she believes Filner should resign from office.

"The mayor’s office is now paralyzed, engaging only in defensive posturing," Ingram said. "The work of the people and for the people has ceased. I therefore urge Bob to put the best interest of the people of San Diego first and submit his resignation."

Ingram broke off her four-year relationship with Filner just days before sexual harassment allegations against Filner became public.

Filner issued a taped statement last week, saying he was sorry for diminishing the office and was seeking help in dealing with his behavior.

“I am embarrassed to admit that I have failed to fully respect the women who work for me and with me, and that at times, I have intimidated them,” he said.

By late last week, the numbers of supporters urging Filner’s resignation were mounting and a key member of Filner's staff, Chief of Staff Vince Hall, had quit.

Late Friday, Filner’s office issued another statement, promising that any accusations of sexual harassment would be independently investigated and that he was confident he would be found innocent.

Here is the full text of Ingram’s statement to KPBS and inewsource:

The statement I made regarding Bob's abusiveness and disrespect is referring to his behavior in our personal relationship. While I had heard rumors that he was engaging in sexual relationships with other women, I was never able to determine their validity. My focus has been on the work I was engaged in with the homeless population rather than tracking the sources of gossip.

However, as Bob's behavior continued to become more aggressive, standard decorum seemed to disappear. Bob recently began texting other women sexually explicit messages and setting up dates while in my presence and within my line of vision.

Ending our relationship was a heart wrenching decision for me for many reasons, including the abandonment of my work on the homeless problem. It pains me more than I can describe to abandon the hundreds of people living on the streets or in shelters. But given the circumstances, I obviously had no other choice. And without the power of the bully pulpit, my ability to help has become extremely limited.

I have witnessed a severe deterioration in Bob's ability to engage with anyone in a civil manner, myself included. During our trip to Paris, he screamed at me in public without provocation, among other inappropriate and disrespectful acts.

I do not have any direct knowledge of details in the many controversies surrounding Bob, including the sexual harassment charges. But I do know that anyone embroiled in so many serious controversies is impaired in ability to run a city. As someone who believes with all my heart in our shared vision for the city, someone who campaigned day and night to help elect Bob, it gives me great pain to admit that he is no longer capable of carrying out that vision. The mayors office is now paralyzed, engaging only in defensive posturing and struggling to survive.

The work of the people and for the people has ceased. I therefore urge Bob to put the best interest of the people of San Diego first and submit his resignation.

Comments

Avatar for user 'nikkineel'

nikkineel | July 15, 2013 at 6:56 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

we r still lacking any real evidence. This is still heresay from an ex girlfriend. that is not a smoking gun. Dont get bullied san diego. this is not over yet.

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Avatar for user 'Mmikey'

Mmikey | July 15, 2013 at 6:59 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

sounds like he has issued to be worked out with the assistance of a psychiatrist and medication.

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Avatar for user 'anncoultersadamsapple'

anncoultersadamsapple | July 15, 2013 at 7:11 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

I agree with Mmikey. The scenario presented in the past several months is an indication of psychological deterioration of some kind. He is ill and unfit to serve. Jan Goldsmith must be licking his chops.

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Avatar for user 'nikkineel'

nikkineel | July 15, 2013 at 7:12 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

If ex girlfriends could demand their ex boyfriend resign we would be in a lot of trouble. Until I see some actual evidence I am not sold on anything. None of this would hold up in a court of law at this point.

So again ppl WAIT until they have something that will hold up in court.

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Avatar for user 'nikkineel'

nikkineel | July 15, 2013 at 7:24 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

No REAL evidence. At this point w/ this as "evidence" they could have easily paid her off. i mean Good god what a great way to get back at ur ex. plus this article is sooo vague, it really says nothing. Bob is allowed to have a personal life.

He got into a fight w/ her in public once? that is not abuse. I think she is stretching it w/ the term abuse and I wonder if she is willing to testify under oath.

Plus guess what, she does not get to demand he resign....we do.

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Avatar for user 'nikkineel'

nikkineel | July 15, 2013 at 7:56 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

Mayors ex makes vague statements...is this all u guys have? please tell me u have some evdience SOMEWHERE! This is getting ridic!!

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/weblogs/ive-got-issues/2013/jul/15/mayor-filners-ex-makes-vague-statements-about-supp/

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Avatar for user 'DeLaRick'

DeLaRick | July 15, 2013 at 7:59 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

This doesn't pass the smell test. If Filner is as bad as has been reported, Ingram has been experiencing this for a long time. If Filner's problems just started, she bolted a long-term relationship just when he needs her most. At best, she's an enabler. At worst, she's an opportunist who jumped ship before it sank. Her opinions are highly subjective and self-serving at this point.

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Avatar for user 'nikkineel'

nikkineel | July 15, 2013 at 8:16 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

Right DLR? I mean Good God!!! really since when do ex girlfriends get to demand their boyfriends resign? if anything this really makes it look like a set up because this statement is so vague, there is no reason for her to have made it except to try and bully him.

You have "NO direct knowledge of details in the many controversies surrounding Bob".....but you are going to demand he resign because of the unproven allegations?

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Avatar for user 'nikkineel'

nikkineel | July 15, 2013 at 8:17 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

Filner needs to file a civil suit for defamation and start striking back. u can not come out w/ such vague statements and no details

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Avatar for user 'simonthegreat'

simonthegreat | July 15, 2013 at 9:33 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

nikkineel got a crush on filner. But beside that fact, we were warned before and during the election during the election yet most of us sheeple elect to vote by the "D" and the "R" next to the name.

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Avatar for user 'DeLaRick'

DeLaRick | July 15, 2013 at 9:35 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

NN,

Not saying this is a set-up. I'm only pointing-out that Ms. Ingram's dissociative responses are ham-fisted and transparent. She enjoyed being "first lady" up until very recently. Not saying she doesn't have a right to her opinion, but she had no official standing and, obviously, wasn't the best observer of basic realities within her own relationship. She should take the high road until her "15 minutes" are gone.

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Avatar for user 'moneil2012'

moneil2012 | July 15, 2013 at 9:38 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

I think there is plenty of smoke. I was a supporter of his but it is getting so thick it's hard to see. Even Filner himself says he needs help!! Open your eyes! And anyway I have to wonder about a guy who is 20+ yrs her senior and is on his THIRD marriage. She sounds like a fairly intelligent woman but not smart enough to see what a schmuck this guy is - his age and # of marriages alone should have been a bit of a red flag. I think it's mostly a case of an old fart who wants to prove to women (any women) that he still has it when it's obvious he doesn't - down there or up there.

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Avatar for user 'simonthegreat'

simonthegreat | July 15, 2013 at 9:49 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

.....I would go for younger gal. I don't believe in age discrimination. Plus, the promised share of my SS check is tempting and nice hook, ask Anna Nichole ;)

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Avatar for user 'ericdamian'

ericdamian | July 15, 2013 at 11:12 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

I'm with all of you deluded lefties here. Bob needs to hang on. Let every lurid and disgusting detail come out. Then let the recall commence. Buy the end of this the leftist cabal that got this creep elected will be a smoking pile of rubble unsble to cause any more damage for years.

Keep fighting bob!

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Avatar for user 'Peking_Duck_SD'

Peking_Duck_SD | July 15, 2013 at 11:44 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

DLR, I agree with you, I am curious if these are recent developments or have been going on for a long time.

I can't image Filner groping and forcing kisses on women for 2 decades while serving in congress and it never being leaked or a sexual harassment charge being filed.

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Avatar for user 'Peking_Duck_SD'

Peking_Duck_SD | July 15, 2013 at 12:47 p.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

I can understand why the alleged victims do t want to come forward.

Why happened to Anita Hill, for example, was horrifying. She was attacked by political machine and was smeared terribly.

With that said, I would feel more comfortable forcing te mayor out of office if we at least had a WITNESS come forward.

Someone who can confirm Filner's lewd accusations by first hand witness instead of hearsay.

Donna knows Filner well and has worked with him. Has she SEEN him acting inappropriately?

If so, it would strengthen her position to say so.

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Avatar for user 'ToniDLT'

ToniDLT | July 15, 2013 at 3:11 p.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

Considering that Filner was married at the time he met Ingram (who was also still married at the time though she was 'separated' from her second husband who was also 20 years older), is it really surprising? I knew Ingram for many, many years, and for her to walk away from this " First Lady of San Diego" gig means that not even her ambition could rationalize or justify Filner's actions, and her sticking it out with him. Karma, baby, karma.

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Avatar for user 'Erip'

Erip | July 15, 2013 at 5:48 p.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

The "severe deterioration" described here by Ingram almost sounds like mental illness or like Filner may be suffering from the personality-changing effects of a stroke. I think he should be medically evaluated just to rule these things out. If there's no medical bases for any of this, then he needs to be run out of office. From what is described, it seems that Ingram or someone close to Bob should have pressed for him to be medically evaluated "as Bob's behavior continued to become more aggressive, and standard decorum seemed to disappear." The person described in her statements sounds like a very bizarre, mentally unstable person that would be incapable of staying in office for 20 years or mounting a successful bid for mayor. The groping and kissing also sounds like it started after he was elected, so has he suffered from some medical incident in the last 6 months? None of the truly shocking behavior, despite vague rumors in the past, seems to have happened until recently.

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Avatar for user 'Robinscottpeters'

Robinscottpeters | July 16, 2013 at 10 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

I agree Toni. If I were Bronwyn I would stop talking before the media looks into her past relationships. Such a hypocrite. People in glass houses Bronwyn, people in glass houses.

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Avatar for user 'paul_e_girard'

paul_e_girard | July 16, 2013 at 11:54 a.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

I agree with Erip. It sounds like a serious medical condition. The person that "sounds like a very bizarre, mentally unstable person", was also suggested by Donna Frye's description. He should resign for his own health. Donna Frye's credibility belies the conspiracy theorists' suggestions. She was probably his strongest supporter, and you can hear the terror in her voice surrounding this situation. Please, Bob, get an fMRI.

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Avatar for user 'HarryStreet'

HarryStreet | July 16, 2013 at 5:05 p.m. ― 1 year, 2 months ago

Looks like we're in for one helluva scandal! San Diego is now going to be put on the world stage for something other than good weather.

Thanks Bob!

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Avatar for user 'crismahn'

crismahn | August 17, 2013 at 12:38 p.m. ― 1 year, 1 month ago

From San Diego Magazine: "And in January of 2012, after meditating with a monk at a Buddhist temple in Vietnam, she told Filner, 70, that she would spend the rest of her life with him."
Hope she didn't get her "visions" for San Diego's future the same way

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