Things are getting ugly for the McCain c38aign, and the mud slinging is gearing up earlier than the McCain folks would have liked. But mud is not the only thing the McCain c38aign is launching through the air; prayers of desperation are coming fast and furious. Here are McCain's top ten Hail Mary's.
10) DNA evidence surfaces that proves Osama Bin Laden and Barack Obama are 14 th cousins twice removed.
9) DNA evidence surfaces linking John McCain as a descendent of Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings - McCain initiates media assault accusing Obama of playing the race card against McCain and his 1/2064 African American ancestry.
8) The Flux capacitor is finally discovered - economic and energy woes evaporate - McCain is able return to his strong on war drumbeat.
7) Obama steps out of the Presidential race, revealing that he is in fact the Messiah and that he has decided to honor the establishment clause of the First Amendment.
6) Sarah Palin steps down as VP and is replaced by Dick Cheney's gay daughter. Overnight, radically new coalitions are formed at a head spinning rate, the American Idol crowd loves it and McCain wins in a squeaker.
5) Sarah Palin steps down and John McCain names Chris Angel as his new running mate. Days before the election John McCain appears at the Bellagio in Vegas walking on water.
4) John McCain promises that if elected, he will immediately step down and make Sarah Palin president.
Just enough of the Hillary scorned are wooed by the crafty old Maverick.
3) John McCain breathes an actual fireball during the Tuesday night Presidential debate. Obama is forced to concede that McCain would make an "awesome" Commander in Chief.
2) Acting on a tip from John McCain, George Bush pulls Osama Bin Ladin out of a Pakistani cave - Fox News is there.
1) John McCain accepts defeat in the race for the US Presidency, but makes a heroic comeback as the President of Pakistan. He still has nukes, he still gets to fight terrorism and he gets to wear a uniform again.
Matthew C. Scallon
October 07, 2008 at 04:25 AM
It could go those ways.
Or McCain could simply remind the voters of Obama's support for infanticide and his opposition for the Born Alive Infant Protection Act, do the calculations that 3 times as many pro-life voters vote based on a candidate's position on the right to life than pro-choice voters do, and then provide jaw replacements for all the "pro-choice" bloggers who predicted his demise.
One more thing: since human beings still procreate binarily, McCain could would have to be 1/2048 African heritage, not 1/2064, assuming, of course, that 10 generations of the family propogated between Thomas Jefferson and himself. It's unlikely, since each generation would have had to marry
very
young, but it is still mathematically possible. Normally, I don't pick nits like this, but one picayune complaint warrants another.
michael valentine
from spring Valley
October 07, 2008 at 06:45 AM
McCain and Palin have inspired the people they are making speeches to to yell "Trader" and "Kill him" about Obama.
Seems they wouldn't mind an eleventh Hail Mary pass either.
Matthew C. Scallon
October 07, 2008 at 01:40 PM
@michael valentine:
"McCain and Palin have inspired the people they are making speeches to to yell “Trader†and “Kill him†about Obama. Seems they wouldn’t mind an eleventh Hail Mary pass either."
Yet another "silly" statement from my dear fellow Christian.
Chuck
from Escondido, CA
October 07, 2008 at 05:26 PM
I'm really hoping for the flux capacitor myself.
Chris
October 07, 2008 at 06:44 PM
Michael,
The foaming at the mouth tone of the Palin/McCain rallies is disturbing. The chants, taunts and ugly heckles are a reactionary lashing out at the OTHER - in this case a dark skinned lefty presidential candidate - all of us are on edge these days, but not all of us go to our base emotions to express fear.
the few protestors who managed to infiltrate the Republican convention were met with of all things - agressive, yes aggressive, chants of USA, USA, USA - as if the Republican Party were the "real" members of the USA. A Hard Rain is gonna fall on blue staters and red staters alike.
Matthew C. Scallon
October 07, 2008 at 07:05 PM
@Chuck:
"I’m really hoping for the flux capacitor myself."
There already is
one
, but, sadly, it's not as interesting as the movie version.
michael valentine
from spring Valley
October 07, 2008 at 10:50 PM
More of what you called provocative name calling Matthew?
phillip roullard from san diego
October 08, 2008 at 12:32 AM
Just like the Republicans to start hurling negative things about the democrats much as they did in the last election. They just can't win on their own good merits so instead they start bringing up obscure items about the democratic candidate.
McCain breath fire? I think the fire will come from the other end, not his mouth.
Matthew C. Scallon
October 08, 2008 at 03:58 PM
@michael valentine, first, I didn't call your "silly" comment provocative. Second, Since Leng Caloh had no problem with your "silly" comment, then turnabout is fair play; I'm sorry I stooped to your level. Third, and finally, please read me response to Leng Caloh.
Daniel J. Smiechowski from San Diego
October 10, 2008 at 07:30 PM
Where are the President's Men? Raiding the Treasury of course. Federal indictments will follow this group of faux patriots and their notion of fascist design on America. I would far better be a socialist than fascist any day. Oh yea, and by the way...there are still outstanding international indictments at The Hague for Messieurs Bush and Cheatny for crimes against humanity...is the GOP great or what................Daniel J. Smiechowski San Diego
